Los Angeles beat the wind out of my sails in 2013.
Repeated difficulties brought a constant fire that burned with such heat, it kept exposing all sorts of nasty things still at war within my heart—anger issues, deep hurts, relational disasters—and before I knew it, disappointment and betrayal had piled up into a mountain that I just couldn’t seem to climb on my own. My marriage, career, friendships, and finances kept hitting the same roadblocks, and like a broken record unable to move past a scratch, our little family needed some outside help to bump us back on the right course.
Which is why we moved our suitcases and cars across the country last January 2014 to Abilene, Texas….and it's also why we're still here.
My mother, Amy Black, is a licensed professional marriage and family therapist. With over two decades and countless hours of counseling the broken hearted, every week the hurting would come and sit in her office hoping to find solutions for their open heart wounds. With her training and education (along with over forty years of full-time ministry as a pastors wife) it was taking her years to counsel clients into realities she knew Jesus could easily set them free from. By appealing to the logic in their head with what she knew from her degree, the brokenness in many hearts was taking forever to heal—if ever healing at all. Many were learning how to live with and manage the pain inside, like I had in treatment for my eating disorder, but that wasn't what God had promised in scripture.
Isaiah 61:1 promised that the Messiah would come to, “bind up the brokenhearted’ and as a result, that meant “freedom for the prisoners”—regardless of how wounded they had become from the wrecking balls of life.
My mom believed that if God could lead someone to the very heart of the issue and give them an experience with the Healer, a miracle could happen. Even the most battered, abused, and neglected hearts could be so transformed by the power of God, they could begin to heal.
In January of 2014, just a couple of months before giving birth to Goldie, I sat down across from my mother for the first of many hearty-sync prayer sessions (thanks to her work with Dr. Andy Miller!), desperate to understand why certain behaviors kept sabotaging my life, primarily my closest relationships. When I began combing through and mapping out patterns from my past with the Holy Spirit, I noticed that friend after friend kept loving me, and then leaving me. I’d eventually find new friends, but with gaping wounds in my heart that had never had a chance to heal, my new crew would find themselves at the mercy of my old, wounded behaviors. At some point—usually around the 2-year-mark—people began pulling away as if I’d been dipped in poisonous repellent.
You will only have the capacity to handle someone’s pain to the level of which you have dealt with your own, which unfortunately meant, I still had a lot of deep pain that hadn’t been healed—even as a woman in full time ministry.
As my mom and I began to pray that first day, my little Luca Gold starting kicking and squirming excitedly inside. Even though her tiny body was still growing in my womb, it was as if her fully developed spirit knew what was about to happen, cheering us on to find freedom for the generations of women in our family line.
Instead of talking and reasoning with our brains, trying to figure out all the logical twisting and churning inside a heart tangled with decades of pain, I closed my eyes and mom began to pray.
The God who created my broken heart understood it far better than I ever could, and we needed His healing hands.
This Holy Spirit dwelling inside knew how to lead, guide, counsel and comfort better than any earthly medicine or educated therapist, and we needed to hear His voice of wisdom.
As my mother and I began to invite God into the heart of the issue, asking the actual person of Jesus Christ to show himself to my shattered heart, every part of my body, soul, and spirit began to experience an overwhelming, tangible encounter with the glorious presence of perfect love.
And for the first time in my life, a heart divided by pain was being fused together with heavenly medicine—and I was being made whole.
When Goldie lived and died in my arms on March 5, there was a reason why the pain didn't destroy me. Grieving with a whole heart feels entirely different than grieving with a broken heart—and my pain-filled heart has never been disconnected from the Healer over these past 8 months.
More than anything, I long to teach people how to live from this place of heart-wholeness…..from a place of intimacy….from a place of abundant life. And if you wonder where I get this passion from, I get it from my mother—exactly the reason that she and my father are opening the Gold Monarch Healing Center on December 11.
GOLD MONARCH HEALING CENTER
In just one year, my mom has been handed donations totaling over 1.1 million dollars—the first donation being for 600,000 with one condition….you've got to start a healing center and heart-sync the brokenhearted. And with miracle upon miracle occurring this year, my parents are about to close on a stunning property right outside Abilene, Texas on 20 secluded acres, 10,000 square feet of living space, with 10,000 square feet of outdoor landscaped space.
This healing center won't just be about the heart. We believe that healing is a whole-man situation—spirit, soul, and body. Gold Monarch will be holistic in nature, seeking to see trauma and pain released in the heart, but also in the body. Because emotional trauma manifests in the body, the spa portion of the healing center will offer massage, inrfared sauna, steam room, soaking tubs, and raindrop therapy oil sessions. It will also provide a healthy, organic, whole-food kitchen, juicing retreats, and education on whole body health. There will be ministry times, art therapy, prayer rooms, live worship, and of course, heart-sync prayer sessions, allowing Jesus to get directly on our hearts, loving us back to life. Each person will have their own master suite with a bathroom, with access to the pool, hot tub, and the spa area.
We're offering our first healing intensive December 11-14, and already have 3 slots filled. The week will involve heart syncs, teaching sessions, worship sessions, spa treatments, lodging, and food. If you know someone who is interested in joining our little group, we're cutting off the intensive at 5. This specific intensive will be focusing on grief and ministering to those who have lost loved ones.
If you follow this blog, you will be hearing much more about this healing center in the future. We're just beginning, but the number of people I meet on the road tells me one thing…..people are hurting—especially Christians—and a huge number don't know how to get past the pain. Sometimes, even the best of us need need a little cocoon to retreat, heal, and transform into the beautiful golden butterflies we were created to be.
I always knew my little Goldie was a healer. And this Gold Monarch Healing Center will carry on her beautiful legacy in the hearts of each person who enters broken, and leaves whole—just like Jesus promised.