4:40 am alarm clock going off in Minneapolis that's actually 2:20 am to my California body. (BOOOOOO) I'm away from my Studbub Moses for this first time EVER for over a day (yes, 2 days away from that little muffin felt like 2 months with my heart bleeding outside my chest), and I'm still a nursing mama, which means, the backpack pump goes with me on my journeys. Let's just say, the milk I pump while I'm away is like liquid gold. LIQUID GOLD, I say!!!
I make my droopy eyed, early morning zombie way towards the Minneapolis TSA security check point to begin my journey home to LA, knowing that if I don't get ice for the milk I've pumped inside the terminal, Studbub won't have anything to eat on my next trip away in a few weeks. I take off my belt, my shoes, placing my computer in a separate plastic bin. Yes, yes, I know the airport security drill all too well. I'm sure I'll be stopped for the milk in my bag, but I'm hoping they'll be too busy to notice I don't have a baby to actually drink the illegal liquid I'm trying to get onto the plane.
“Ma'am, we're gonna have to check your bottles to make sure they're ok.” The bearded TSA guy walked over to a big machine to make sure my liquid gold was simply liquid gold.
“So, where's your baby?” He looks up at me with serious, inquisitive eyes.
His words hung in the air like a baseball swirling from a pitch, and I picked up an unexpected bat and swung with all I was worth.
“Um, yeah, so, he's already at the gate with my husband.” The blood drained from my face with each word, unable to grab them back and eat them up, even though it's all I wanted to do.
Hesitantly, he packed up my milk and placed it back in my backpack pump. “Well, Ok, you can head on to be with your baby.”
Now, mind you, I had just preached that weekend on the Revolve Tour. And I'd preached about truth. Yes, that's right…about the truth, and how it sets you free. I had poured out my heart from the stage to a room full of beautiful girls, begging them, pleading with them, encouraging them to live in the light and in the truth–away from the lies that bring nothing but death.
I rolled my carry on suitcase slowly towards the gate, heaviness like a 2 ton truck weighing in on my already weary shoulders. With every step away from security, the heaviness grew, and I knew what I had to do.
I strained my neck to find the bearded man among the sea of blue uniforms doing their job to make sure our country and our airports were safe. Could he have gone on break already? Was I off the hook that easily? The thought definitely crossed my mind. Ok, so if I can't find the guy I lied to, which person looks the most likely to sympathize with me after I confess? Maybe I should pour on the girl charm to a guy, or should I look for an obvious mom who might have been in the same situation at some point?
The more I tried to figure it out, the deeper I dug my hole. It's never easy to walk up to someone and confess that you lied. It's never easy to look in the face of a stranger and admit your bad character. But I wasn't doing this because it was easy. I was doing this because it was right.
I took a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing.
“Ma'am, I need to tell you something.” Somehow the only lady available to talk looked like she had woken up on the wrong side of the bed….for a very long time. I explained what I had done, holding nothing back. For me to tell the truth, I had to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God, without any sugar coatings or excuses.
I had fully expected her to make me go back out and check my bag, cutting it close to catch my flight. I expected her to shame me with her eyes and respond in frustration, demanding that I immediately pour out my illegal liquid gold. But she did exactly the opposite of what I as prepared for. Her harsh eyes softened, she gave me a small smile and said, “Thank you for telling me the truth. I know that wasn't easy. Now, head on to your gate.”
Is there a lie that you've been carrying that's been weighing you down? Has keeping up that lie around the ones you love felt like a ton of bricks on your shoulders? Has it become increasingly impossible to enjoy your relationships while carrying this burden?
It might be time to unload.
Take a moment and search your heart. Are there any lies that you've been carrying that need to be released?
I promise you, these burdens were never yours to carry.
Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.