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July 28, 2015

The Two Year Wait Is Over: Birdie James Is Home

Two years I have waited.

IMG_5798For two years, Luke and I have longed to bring home our little girl, with bassinets staying empty and dainty clothes stored away.  When your body is carrying life for the majority of two years— 17 out of 24 months, to be exact—you feel an everyday ache as your arms stay empty and silence haunts the late night hours.

We conceived our little Luca Gold “Goldie” Gifford in July of 2013, and she died tragically and unexpectedly from a condition called anencephaly on March 5, 2014.  And here we are exactly two years later on July 26, 2015, finally bringing a home the little girl we waited for.

 

For two years I longed for that day.

For two years I prepared for restoration.

IMG_5837For two years, my shattered heart has been healing at the hand of a master surgeon—my good, good Father–the God of redemption.  And that is why, as I finally bring my Birdie James home, my God will get an overflow of glory, kisses, tears, and thank-you's that gush from a grateful heart that He has been weaving back together.

 

Our new little Birdie James was born two months before my due date on IMG_4138June 21, making her debut into the world wrapped in miracles.  Many would see her early arrival and 5 week stay in the NICU as a setback, but we saw it is as a cake walk compared to burying our daughter the previous year.

When you give birth to a child and there are no screams, you worship when your next 3 lb 10 oz baby comes out wailing.  When you hold a child whose heart stops beating in your arms, you smile with gratitude when her heart monitors go off on in alarm.  When you watch your daughters lungs stop breathing after 40 minutes, you find supernatural patience when your next preemie daughter has to stay in the hospital a week longer than you first expected—because her monitors show that her lungs sometimes forget to breathe.

Instead of feeling scared in the NICU, I felt safer than I'd ever felt before.  Instead of being anxious, I felt insurmountable peace.  Instead of feeling nervous for my daughter, I felt crazy amounts of joy.

And that's all because….. I went into that NICU with a healed heart, having already dealt with the brokenness of Goldie's death.

 

I talk about this in my next book set to release next year……but pain is not your enemy.  Pain is inevitable in this bumper-car life where you will continue to collide with an unexpected world that you CANNOT control.  But unhealed pain, however, will become your greatest enemy if your broken heart is not made whole after every collision.  

And dearest friend, there is only ONE who can take the shattered pieces of your heart and patch it back together where it thrives inside of the worst situations.  

 

You see, as I ran into the arms of the Comforter and Healer after Goldie's death, I learned a gold mine of principles that have changed my life.

I learned how to take every emotion I was having—anger, rage, fear, sadness, anxiety, confusion, even sometimes insanity—and include them in my relationship with the God who lives inside.  And as I did this every day, no matter how strong or horrible my emotions were….this God who can handle anything handled me with care.  In these moments, I learned to commune with someone inside of my pain, instead of dealing with it on my own.  And as the Healer was included inside every emotion I was having, the emotions started to change.

 

IMG_4248Fear couldn't define my heart when I took that fear to the Comforter, and He Comforted me into peace.

Anger couldn't define my heart when I handed that anger to the Helper, and He helped me back to joy.

Confusion couldn't define my heart when I would run my confusion to the Counselor, and He actually counseled me on what He sees, and what is to come.

 

You see, by the time I got pregnant with Birdie, I had so many promises about my next daughter that there was no room to fear when I gave birth to her early and she ended up in the NICU.  My heart had been anchored to the truth–because my heart was anchored in relationship to the God of miracles….

And in that NICU, the God that I adore performed miracle after miracle until we got to fly our Birdie home on Sunday.

 

IMG_5844As my baby girl sleeps safely on my chest, I stare at her in awe.  She is all the promises of my Father wrapped up in adorable pink flesh—the little girl He promised would restore our song after a season of silent grieving.

 

This is why we named her Birdie.  And since she came, we have not stopped singing our praises.

 

I've said it every day since my water broke on June 21….but friends, expect miracles in every circumstance.  And the only way to expect them is to intimately KNOW the one who loves to give them. You have a God who is WAITING to pour His supernatural power into your everyday life.  Your Father is LONGING to manifest Himself as the victor in every circumstance—pulling you in close to show you His heart, then releasing His goodness into your world.

 

If your heart has been broken like mine was when the miracle didn't happen and we buried our Goldie, don't push Him away from your pain.  Let Him into it.  The greatest miracle God can perform is to take the pieces of a heart shattered by hurts and put it back together–better and stronger than before.

IMG_5829A heart that has experienced miraculous healing will expect miracles in everything.

Right now, I'm holding tightly to my miracle.

And my miracle's name is Birdie James Gifford.

 

xx,

Signature CBG

 

 

17 Responses to “The Two Year Wait Is Over: Birdie James Is Home”

  1. Michelle Taylor

    My daughter is finally home also! She is 15 though and has been struggling with cutting, depression and anxiety. We are praising God for His healing in her life! We are praying for continued spiritual and emotional healing for all of us. Thank-you for your words and for sharing your story.

  2. Jenelle

    Oh Christa, I can’t begin to describe how much journeying with you has helped me heal from my own daughter’s death. She was born on December 6, 2014 and passed into the loving arms of the Father shortly afterwards. She was our first baby. (Our story is on http://www.leragrace.com) Reading your story has given me courage, and excitement for what God has in store for me and my family (and our next babies). Jesus has been working tirelessly on mine and my husband’s hearts as now, almost 8 months later, we are still healing. Thank you for your blog, thank you for your heart, and thank you for Goldie.
    Rejoicing with you from Canada!

  3. Shandy

    Yay!!!!!! Sooo happy for you and the family!!! So glad that God healed you, and has given you an incredible gift in Birdie!!!! REading this made my heart smile, because I know from reading your realness in previous posts, that you experienced heartache, and you helped alot of us know that that’s ok to run to God with what we are feeling etc. God has incredible things in store for all of you, and your story will change many lives as God uses you all as a testimony of his incredible favour, blessing and life!!! 🙂 Sooo super happy for you. 🙂

  4. Sheryll

    Thank you for sharing your journey and how you deal with pain. Makes complete sense in my spirit and I’m gonna fight the same! We praise God for your family!

  5. Co-muse Travels

    This is really moving. Thank you. I had a miscarriage last month and I am already feeling the golden might of His renewed foundation of hope growing within me, preparing us for our future pregnancies and children. You are right about the power of a healed heart.

    Much love.

  6. Thank you for writing this Christa. I also believe in miracle the same way you do. But what do you do when the expected miracle doesn’t happen? Our 8 month old baby recently passed away after being born premature and a long, hard journey, and we were convinced she would come home and truly be a miracle. We were blindsided by her passing. I am looking forward to your next book since I believe it will really help me.

  7. Hello Christa!! I LOVE your blog and book, and I love that you speak about being a “hippie” and wholistic. My husband and I are getting ready to try to have a baby, and I wondered if you had any good books you would recommend to the couple that are ready to try? Thank you so much!!
    -Katy

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“I had planned to end my life, but chose to give it one last shot and signed up for the Master Heart Course. I finally found what I was looking for. My life has changed in ways I could never could put into words, being healed far beyond what I could imagine. I have a long way to go, but this course literally saved my life..”

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