February 1, 2015

The Night I Thought I Lost My Baby

When you meet with doctors, nurses, midwives and doulas about an upcoming pregnancy, the topics lean towards IMG_1791pleasant things—like hearing baby's heartbeat, seeing the little one kicking and squirming inside, and keeping yourself healthy while growing a person.

But none of my conversations over the years could have remotely prepared me for this past Friday night as I rushed to the emergency room, weeping for the unknown as my womb continued to cramp and release terrifying amounts of blood.

As far as I knew, blood during pregnancy meant one thing: miscarriage.  But as I've learned the long, hard way this weekend, thankfully that's not always the case.


Let's backtrack for just a moment.

This past week has been like a dream.  On Friday, we completed our second Healing Intensive at Gold Monarch Healing Center, hosting five beautiful women who had come in from all over the country to let Jesus delicately and powerfully heal the brokenness and pain in their hearts and bodies.  Miracle after miracle continued to unfold in front of our eyes, and although I still battled the normal symptoms that accompanied an unpleasant first trimester, the usual nausea and fatigue paled in comparison to what God was doing.

The intensive ended on Friday morning, and by that evening, I was standing on the stage at the Fountaingate Women's Conference preaching my little heart out, still on a high from all the miracles we had experienced that week, but full of faith for even more.  As the night came to a close and I opened up the altar for prayer, encouraging attendees to come down and let God minister even deeper to the pain in their hearts, I walked off the stage and spoke with a friend.

“Christa,” she said.  “As you were leading the altar call, I saw darkness and arrows flying towards your womb, knowing there was an attack on your pregnancy.  But as the arrows got close, an angel stepped in front of your baby and blocked them.”  

I thanked my friend for sharing what she had seen, glad for the reminder to increase the prayer around my pregnancy, especially during events where I was ministering.  And as fatigue from the week began to set in, I ducked out of the service early, knowing I needed to get home and rest if I was going to speak four more times during the weekend conference.

I returned home and started my normal bedtime routine, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and using the bathroom.  But when I stood up to flush, I let out a scream.

Blood.  The last thing you ever want to see as a pregnant woman.

With my husband and son out of town, I immediately called my parents who rushed to my aid as I laid flat on the bed, weeping in complete shock.  I could hear my mom in the other room on the phone with the doctor's answering service, giving the nurse details and asking for advice.

Should we go to the emergency room?

What was happening?

What should we do?

With the nurse unable to adequately diagnose the situation without seeing me, she encouraged my mother to take me to the emergency room at the hospital since it was the weekend, letting her know it could be dangerous if I miscarried the baby because apparently, not everything always comes out the way it should.

Without prompting, both parents laid their hands on my body and began to pray, declaring truth, promises we've had over this baby, and believing for Jesus to intervene with total healing.  I shared the vision my friend had seen of the angel protecting the baby, and we clung to that word as we continued to intercede.  The presence of God was so thick—so strong, in fact, my entire body was shaking under the weight of heavy glory.  I could feel something greater than myself flowing through my veins, guarding my heart, and moving in me and on me.  And I prayed, all I could see was diamonds.

Diamonds everywhere.  Diamonds in the sky, diamonds all over me, and diamonds covering my womb.

If you've followed my blog for a while, you know the significance of diamonds in my life, and how God has used them to represent protection and safety.  I opened my eyes and looked at my parents, but before I could let them know what I had seen, my mother spoke.

“Christa, all I could see over you when I prayed was diamonds.”

Almost immediately, as her confirming words pumped peace into my heart, proving once again that a mighty God was at work to protect my baby, something very opposite to peace began to shake within my physical frame.

Cramping.  Painful cramping that bulldozed my heart with enormous amounts of dread.  I grabbed at my womb and held on tight, feeling helpless as my own body seemed to be purging the life I longed to hold onto.  As the cramping worsened like the beginning pains of labor, I cried out in agony, holding on for dear life.  But as the cramping subsided, the worst possible thing began to happen.   My womb began to release large amounts of blood.

And helplessly, I wailed as a mother who truly believed she was losing her child.

I sat in the bathroom in complete shock, recounting the promises Father had made to me about my baby.  I told Him this didn't make sense….that it wasn't right.  I pleaded with Him for wisdom, for a word, for a miracle—just to give me something to hold onto.  But I heard nothing.  Felt nothing.  And the silence was deafening.

I knew, just like I did when Luca Gold died, these were the moments that define life.  I knew that if I shut my heart down, or got angry at God, or let bitterness, offense, or the ‘Why's' come into play and take over, that it would poison my heart and ruin my future.  With as much energy as I could muster up, I extended my hands to heaven.

Father, no matter what, I will worship you.  In death, in life, I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love.

With every moment, my heart and body shook.  The more blood I lost, the weaker and colder I became.  Not knowing what to do, and feeling as thought my body was shutting down, I called my mom into the bathroom.

It's time to go to the hospital.  

As I sat in the emergency room in the middle of the night, looking around the room at all the people in pain, I knew I had another choice to make.  I could submit my heart to the gloom and overwhelming despair in the room, or I could begin to pray.  I sat in my chair and prayed for the single mom who cradled her little boy in the corner, watching as she kissed his forehead and rocked him back and forth with worry.  I prayed for the little girl with her broken arm, asking for Father to pour out healing and peace as she cringed from excruciating pain.  I prayed for the two couples with toddlers who appeared hopeless, believing for restoration for their hearts, their bodies, and their lives.

The minutes turned to hours, and as I prayed, my body began to let up and the cramping subsided.  Knowing the hospital was understaffed and from the looks of things, we were going to be there all night before we were seen, I decided it would be best for my body to just go home and get some rest.

The night was long, but I slept hard, getting up several times to use the bathroom after cramping would shake my body in pain.  But as I woke up the next day, trying my best to empty my brain and avoid thinking of the worst, the phone rang with my husband on the other end.

“Christa, I worshiped late into the night, and my spirit grieved for you, because I hate that I'm not with you and that you went through that without me, but I just couldn't grieve for the baby.  I really do believe that our child is still alive.”

Could this be true?  A part of my heart believed his words felt right, especially with all of the visions and pictures God had brought our way, but surely with the enormous amounts of blood, there was no way my body wasn't miscarrying.

I picked up the phone and called a dear friend who I knew had recently gone through a miscarriage, and after I finished recapping the events of the night, her first words exploded hope in my heart.

So, that's very different than what happened to me, Christa.  My severe cramping happened when I passed the baby.  If you haven't passed any clotting or fetal tissue, I think your baby could still be alive.  She went on to let me know that another one of our friends had bled severely during two of her pregnancies, and that her babies came out just right.

Then someone texted my mom, letting her know the same thing had happened to her during both of her pregnancies, and her babies were healthy.

Then I saw another friend on Facebook who had recently had her baby, and she let me know around the same time, she had bled badly during her first trimester without miscarrying.

Then I spoke with yet another friend tonight who had bled heavily for ten days around her eleventh week of pregnancy, and her brand new baby boy is completely healthy and fine.


IMG_1797It's definitely been a longer-than-usual weekend, and because an announcement was made that I lost the baby, I felt very strongly about clearing the air and telling the whole story.   With my doctors strict orders to remain on bed rest, (and with Gilmore Girls keeping me company on Netflix), my heart has been unusually peaceful.  I reach down and touch my belly on a regular basis, speaking to my baby and seeing the diamonds surrounding my womb.  I thank Father for the angel that is protecting me and my child as we grow and bloom to life.

And when I head into the doctors office tomorrow morning, you better believe I'm expecting to hear the miraculous sound of a little heartbeat.

Believe with me, dear friends.  Because this mama is expecting miracles.



Signature CBG






40 Responses to “The Night I Thought I Lost My Baby”

  1. Shelby Rollins

    Christa I’m praying with you. In my first pregnancy, I bled a substantial amount at about 7-8 weeks. I was terrified I was miscarrying. Tanner really believed our baby was fine and the next day I went in for an early ultrasound and she was perfectly whole. Our daughter is now 2 years old and perfect:) I’ve now had two miscarriages and the bleeding was different for those, and different from what you are experiencing. Believing for perfect and complete healing and wholeness over you and your baby. Much love, Shelby

  2. Declaring LIFE over you! You are treasured, highly favored, child of GOD! Listening to no longer slaves and declaring that your precious baby belongs to the most high. Sending love and blessings!

  3. I wanted to share this scripture, that I pray over my rainbow baby growing inside me everyday!
    I (your baby) will not die, but live, And proclaim the works of the LORD. (‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭17‬)
    Praying for life growing inside of you Christa!

  4. Melissa Branch

    Praying with you. ♡ Check out Nerida Walker on YouTube. She has a book with awesome prayers to pray over yourself and your baby called God’s plan for pregnancy. I had it as a kindle book. I had severe scary bleeding at the end of my first trimester. I kept praying the miscarriage prayer from her book over my baby & declared God’s promises. The docs found a heartbeat and my son Is a healthy 15 month old now. That book really helped me focus my prayers during a scary time. ♡

  5. Chani Williams

    Glory to God in advance for His miraculous report. Earlier this month i went thru a miscarriage.. your encouraging words & testimony have been a God-send for me & i pray fervently over you, your baby (alive & well) & your family!! Thank u for your strength & for using your pain as a testimony for others as i hope to do someday as well. God bless.. looking forward to tomorrows report!!

  6. Anna Joy Hoffman

    I agree with you! And praying for protection over you, your womb and the baby! God has has a mighty plan and nothing can stand in the way! God works for the good in all situations for those who love Him.

  7. Victoria

    Praying for you right now and believing that God is for you and for you baby, no weapon shall prosper against you or your beautiful baby, I am believing with you, oh dear Christa you are so loved. I send you a big hug (all the way from México) xoxo

  8. Jenn Hall

    I am one of the women from FGF ministry team, whe we got word of the events we gathered in the kitchen and began declearing Life over this precious child has given, I saw His gauze wrap wrapping the baby and you, we are standing with you and declearing LLLLIIIFFFEEEE,

  9. Tiffany Avila Stearns

    Christa! I stand with you, I believe!! In 2007 I was told by the ER I was miscarrying my baby at 9 weeks,lots of blood and there was no heartbeat. I went to the doctor and he scheduled me for a D&C. The Sunday before my appt, a little girl in church touched my tummy and said The Lord was going to protect the little girl he blessed me with. My heart was both angry and saddened because I knew the baby was gone,someone must have told her to pray for me, but I was hopeless. I had the D&C the flowing Tuesday and went home, took all the medication they gave me to shrink my uterus, pain meds and laid in bed with continued nausea and depression. Almost four weeks later I returned to the dr because my nausea was so severe and my body was extremely fatigued. I believed there was infection, but miraculously, the dr. confirmed I was actually 3 months pregnant! You see, we discovered after tests, I had tested positive for lupus and the clots that were extracted from my uterus were not infact my pregnancy, my doctor admitted there was a small pocket he did not extract from because he assumed he had rid my body of the “dead fetus”due to the amount of clotting he removed. Baffled by the accident with no logical explanation, we believe he actually cleared the way so that the baby could properly develop in the womb,which may have otherwise smothered her out. I delivered at 36wks a beautiful 5lb little girl named Lily who actually prayed for her generation at this weekends conference you spoke at!! What a mighty good God we serve! My little girl was hiding in Gods pocket!! I had my second child, a son in 2011 without complication, but after seeing what miracles God preformed my first pregnancy, I believed I would be Lupus free by the time I had my second. 6weeks after I gave birth to my son I tested negative for Lupus, 6months after that I tested negative, 4 yrs later I remain LUPUS FREE!! God is still in the business of miracles!!! Standing with you!!!! God bless you and baby!!!-Tiffany

  10. Logan carter

    Praying for you Christa- this baby WILL live and not die and declare the works of the Lord!! I too became pregnant shortly after the women’s retreat in Buena vista Colorado that you attended and spoke at. I think of you often and will send this to everyone who attended the retreat. We are standing in agreement with you! Praying peace over you and this child. Thank you Jesus for Christa and her faith!!

  11. Mel Snare

    Yes! Standing in faith with you in the promise God has given you. My husband met your husband a few weeks ago and has filled me in on your sorry. Tonight he came to tell me that I had to read your blog. When I was 11 weeks pregnant with our second baby, I had a similar experience after a fun filled day, I began bleeding also in the bathroom. Still, to this day, I describe it as looking like a crime scene. I went to the er, as it was a Sunday night, and my doctor’s nurse instructed me as she thought. When we got there, they began the ultrasound, and as soon as I saw that heartbeat, my fear subsided. With absolutely no explanation of why it started and stopped, I was on bedrest for a week, but everything was fine. That baby is now a 6 year old boy, smart, handsome, and a big brother to two little sisters. Praying continued angelic protection over you and this baby, and the ones yet to come. Thank you for giving us all the opportunity to remember the life giving testimonies of his divine protection.

  12. Diane Peterson

    I am praying for you and Baby. This same thing happened to me with my 4th. She is 5 years old now. Turned out it was a blood clot from something with the placenta. I bless you and your sweet little love with perfect health and life to the fullest.

  13. Eniola Abioye

    Christa, thank you for being so open and authentic with us. We get to pray and agree with you full of faith. You’re in a beautiful spot. Your breakthrough is our breakthrough and your mourning is our mourning. Because we are one body. So I’m standing with you for strong breakthrough, for great rejoicing. Our God is so kind and so faithful, I pray that praise never leaves your lips and your joy bubbles up from a place only natural to Heaven. I pray grace fills your heart and you revel in what it’s like to live from Heaven to this earth. Diamond and Blessings.

  14. Praying for you Christa!!! God’s got you and that precious little one!!!! 🙂 Thank you for being honest, and sharing your heart in a time, when others may have just stayed quiet and hidden away. You have the Prayers of many around the world, contending and believing for life and health for this baby. BIG HUGS!!!

  15. I stand in for you and your baby for GOD IS MIGHTY TO SAVE in all things. When you spoke of seeing diamonds all over, it brought back to my memory teaching my husband and I had when we were first saved years ago. It said that we are all diamonds in the rough. That we are a work in progress. That baby is a work in progress. “For He who has begun a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” When God brings us to something, He brings us through it too. “NO WEAPONS FASHIONED OR FORMED AGAINST US WILL STAND, AND ALL THOSE WHO RISE UP AGAINST US WILL FALL”. “THE ANGEL OF THE LORD, ENCAMPS ALL AROUND THOSE WHO FEAR HIM.” “THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU, YOU NEED ONLY TO BE STILL.” “GOD WILL MAKE A WAY WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY, HE WORKS IN WAYS THAT WE DONT SEE HE WILL MAKE A WAY FOR YOU, HE WILL BE YOUR GUIDE AND HOLD YOU AND YOUR BABY CLOSELY TO HIS SIDE. WITH LOVE AND STRENGTH FOR EACH NEW DAY, HE WILL MAKE A WAY. Satan likes to hit us where we’re weak; maybe for you Christa, it would be losing your baby. But I TOTALLY believe there will be another Gifford raised in the Lord setting the captives free and making the enemy tremble !! AMEN AND AMEN.

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