I could barely sleep.
Excitement and anticipation about Gold Monarch Healing Center opening its door for the first time the next morning on December 11 had me up all night going over lists of things that still had to be done before we welcomed our first guests the next day. Since our closing on the property on November 21, my family and I had worked tirelessly around the clock alongside friends and volunteers to get everything ready, scrambling to get our this new miracle healing center up and running for our first gathering for those who needed healing from heart-pain.
It was 6:00 a.m. the morning of December 11, and even though there was no reason for me to be awake quite that early, trying to go back to sleep was pointless as lists of things I still needed to do rattled around in my brain. I stumbled in the darkness towards the bathroom, turning on the light and quickly glancing down at the sink to notice the expired pregnancy test I had found the day before while rummaging through our belongings.
Might as well, I shrugged, still halfway asleep.
As the months had ticked by slowly since our daughter Luca Gold died on March 5, many times I would count down the days until I could take a pregnancy test to find out if my empty womb was once again filled with life. But this month, we had just been too busy trying to get Gold Monarch ready for our guests to think much about it.
I was too busy dreaming and praying for the life, healing, and restoration of all the people Gold Monarch was going to help—in honor of our little Goldie.
According to my pregnancy app and normal cycle, December 11 was the earliest day for me to find out if I was pregnant. And knowing that pregnancy doesn't always show up that early in the game, along with the fact that my pregnancy test had expired, I chuckled and threw up a chat with the big guy upstairs, “God, if this thing comes up positive, then you really are a miracle worker.”
I waited as the little hourglass on the test flipped up and down, rubbing my eyes still trying to wake up. And then, it stopped.
And just like that, the redemption of our perfect God hit me like a tidal wave, overtaking my heart in pure worship where I could barely stand under the goodness of His presence.
He had done it again—done what He does best.
He had taken death, and bloomed life.
He had taken mourning, and given joy.
He had taken ashes, and created such beauty.
He had taken the desert of my loss, and carried me into the Promised Land of abundance.
And to throw a cherry on top of this already perfect cake, He did it all on the day that Gold Monarch opened its doors—exactly 9 months and 6 days since Goldie had died—the exact time it takes to make and birth a baby.
Isaiah 61: 7
Because you got a double dose of trouble
and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
and your joy go on forever.
When I think about it all, the tears flow freely down my cheeks. To think at this very moment, I'm holding onto the life of two new children—of Gold Monarch Healing Center, and this little one being knit together inside of my womb at this very moment. Yes, this last season was a double dose of trouble, but just like my Jesus promised, my inheritance in the land has been doubled.
And I sure am excited about my joy going on forever.
My husband asked me the other day if I wanted to wait until after the first trimester to announce my pregnancy since I'm only 8 weeks along with baby the size of a little kidney bean. “No, I don't think so,” I answered. “The main reason people wait is because of the risk of miscarriage in the first trimester, which I'm not worried about.” At this very moment, I'm so cloaked in promise, it sure is hard to doubt anything. I'm so empowered by redemption, it sure is hard to fear. I'm so focused on the inheritance growing inside of me, it sure is hard to be overwhelmed by the desert of the past.
My Father—the author of Life. He takes everything that sin and death has killed, stolen, and destroyed from my life, and like a beautiful craftsman sitting down at a potters wheel, as I yield my heart to him as a lump of clay, He molds and fashions it into the most beautiful creation.
Just like He's doing with my little Promised Land baby growing inside. And just like He'll continue doing with Gold Monarch.
Is there a part of your life that still cries for redemption? Is there something that was stolen, killed, or destroyed, and as a result, it feels like a part of your heart died with the pain? I promise you, dear friend, the sooner you let the Potter get His hands on the clay of your entire heart to heal it and love it back to life, the faster He's able to do what He always does—create beauty from brokenness, death from life.
Redemption doesn't always look like what we expect it to look like. I never would have imagined myself living with my parents out in the country of Abilene, Texas about to attempt flipping a metal shed to live in. I never would have imagined the blessing of working alongside my husband and my parents in ministry, helping to see broken hearts brought to the master Healer. But because my heart is anchored to a person named Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace who lives inside of me, I, too, am able to nourish myself with these fruits rooted in my heart—in all circumstances as the unexpected moments of life continue to roll like the waves of the sea.
And as I do, and as as I rest, and as I fellowship, and my heart feasts…..
Life blooms. And it can bloom in you, too. Because the Author of Life lives in you.