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January 5, 2015

The Fingerprints of Redemption: My Pregnancy

I could barely sleep.

6amalarmclockExcitement and anticipation about Gold Monarch Healing Center opening its door for the first time the next morning on December 11 had me up all night going over lists of things that still had to be done before we welcomed our first guests the next day.   Since our closing on the property on November 21, my family and I had worked tirelessly around the clock alongside friends and volunteers to get everything ready, scrambling to get our this new miracle healing center up and running for our first gathering for those who needed healing from heart-pain.

It was 6:00 a.m. the morning of December 11, and even though there was no reason for me to be awake quite that early, trying to go back to sleep was pointless as lists of things I still needed to do rattled around in my brain.  I stumbled in the darkness towards the bathroom, turning on the light and quickly glancing down at the sink to notice the expired pregnancy test I had found the day before while rummaging through our belongings.

Might as well, I shrugged, still halfway asleep.

As the months had ticked by slowly since our daughter Luca Gold died on March 5, many times I would count down the days until I could take a pregnancy test to find out if my empty womb was once again filled with life.  But this month, we had just been too busy trying to get Gold Monarch ready for our guests to think much about it.

I was too busy dreaming and praying for the life, healing, and restoration of all the people Gold Monarch was going to help—in honor of our little Goldie.

According to my pregnancy app and normal cycle, December 11 was the earliest day for me to find out if I was pregnant.  And knowing that pregnancy doesn't always show up that early in the game, along with the fact that my pregnancy test had expired, I chuckled and threw up a chat with the big guy upstairs, “God, if this thing comes up positive, then you really are a miracle worker.”

I waited as the little hourglass on the test flipped up and down, rubbing my eyes still trying to wake up.  And then, it stopped.

Screen Shot 2015-01-05 at 11.11.52 AM

PREGNANT.

And just like that, the redemption of our perfect God hit me like a tidal wave, overtaking my heart in pure worship where I could barely stand under the goodness of His presence.

He had done it again—done what He does best.

He had taken death, and bloomed life.

He had taken mourning, and given joy.

He had taken ashes, and created such beauty.

He had taken the desert of my loss, and carried me into the Promised Land of abundance.

And to throw a cherry on top of this already perfect cake, He did it all on the day that Gold Monarch opened its doors—exactly 9 months and 6 days since Goldie had died—the exact time it takes to make and birth a baby.

 

Isaiah 61:  7

Because you got a double dose of trouble
    and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
    and your joy go on forever.

When I think about it all, the tears flow freely down my cheeks.  To think at this very moment, I'm holding onto the life of two new children—of Gold Monarch Healing Center, and this little one being knit together inside of my womb at this very moment.  Yes, this last season was a double dose of trouble, but just like my Jesus promised, my inheritance in the land has been doubled.

And I sure am excited about my joy going on forever.

 

My husband asked me the other day if I wanted to wait until after the first trimester to announce my pregnancy since I'm only 8 weeks along with baby the size of a little kidney bean.  “No, I don't think so,” I answered.  “The main reason people wait is because of the risk of miscarriage in the first trimester, which I'm not worried about.”  At this very moment, I'm so cloaked in promise, it sure is hard to doubt anything.  I'm so empowered by redemption, it sure is hard to fear.  I'm so focused on the inheritance growing inside of me, it sure is hard to be overwhelmed by the desert of the past.

My Father—the author of Life.  He takes everything that sin and death has killed, stolen, and destroyed from my life, and like a beautiful craftsman sitting down at a potters wheel, as I yield my heart to him as a lump of clay, He molds and fashions it into the most beautiful creation.

Just like He's doing with my little Promised Land baby growing inside.  And just like He'll continue doing with Gold Monarch.

 

Is there a part of your life that still cries for redemption?   Is there something that was stolen, killed, or destroyed, and as a result, it feels like a part of your heart died with the pain?  I promise you, dear friend, the sooner you let the Potter get His hands on the clay of your entire heart to heal it and love it back to life, the faster He's able to do what He always does—create beauty from brokenness, death from life.

Redemption doesn't always look like what we expect it to look like.  I never would have imagined myself living with my parents out in the country of Abilene, Texas about to attempt flipping a metal shed to live in.   I never would have imagined the blessing of working alongside my husband and my parents in ministry, helping to see broken hearts brought to the master Healer.  But because my heart is anchored to a person named Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace who lives inside of me, I, too, am able to nourish myself with these fruits rooted in my heart—in all circumstances as the unexpected moments of life continue to roll like the waves of the sea.

And as I do, and as as I rest, and as I fellowship, and my heart feasts…..

Life blooms.  And it can bloom in you, too.  Because the Author of Life lives in you.

xx

Signature CBG

41 Responses to “The Fingerprints of Redemption: My Pregnancy”

  1. Tanisha Poni

    Yesssss!!!!!! I cried! Thank you Papa you’re so so good! Wow that precious child being knit in your womb is blessed and a blessing they will be not only to you and your family but to the NATIONS! Thank you Jesus!!

  2. Samantha Dove

    My husband and I have been trying for over 4 years to get pregnant. We had a miscarriage about 3 years ago and haven’t been able to get pregnant since. During that time my husband joined the military and we have been separated for almost 3 years as he is training. I put the dream of being a mommy on the shelf feeling ok with that decision during that time. And ever since I have seen everyone around me getting pregnant and getting the dream I always wanted, heartbroken I had to smile and congratulate every one of them but dealing with extreme pain in the midst. My husband is coming to a close in his training so we can finally be together again. I’m believing that we will finally receive our miracle this year. I’m believeing that 2015 will be my year of redemption and see the fulfillment of Gods promise to us. So happy that you get another chance with this new little life. Please keep us in your prayers, we would really appreciate it. XO

  3. Amanda Cheatham

    Christa!
    This is just such a beautiful, amazing, and WONDERFUL story God is weaving in your life. I am so excited for you and your family! I’m sure Goldie is rejoicing to have another sibling too!! (: Much love from Texas!!
    Amanda Cheatham

  4. Whitney Strong

    I mourned the loss of your sweet Goldie with you, watched you pick up the pieces with amazing grace, was inspired by your strength, and now I’m celebrating with you as God redeems and doubles your joy! Completely amazing. Bawling tears of joy! Congratulations! Praying perfect health over you and your sweet little blessing.

  5. Danaerose

    Hurray!!!! Rejoicing with you! Oh how He loves us!!! Bless you and this beautiful life inside you, Christa! Thank you for honoring us with the sharing of your journey. So much life and grace and hope poured out from you.

  6. Amanda Baker

    I am so excited and choked up…you wrote a reply to me about being in the waiting with the Solution about 5 months ago, and at this moment I am 13 weeks pregnant with my little promise…and you are pregnant too!!! God is so good and I could not be happier for you! Thank you for being a voice in my life pointing me to Jesus…so appreciate you and your heart.

  7. Kristi Olson Swob

    Wow. He is faithful. Thankful for your courageous heart and for the way you wholeheartedly BELIEVE his promises on this journey. It inspires me!! I am 5 months pregnant after losing my Kate 13 months ago. Thankful to be walking alongside you,
    fellow warrior!! So blessed by your news Christa.

  8. Congratulations!!! I was reading this soooo overjoyed for you and your precious family. This is sooooo like God!!! 🙂 His miracle working power is still at work today, and always has been!!!!! 2015 is the year where what has been stolen will be restored, and your precious little one, is part of that!!! Thanks for sharing this!!!! Soooo inspiring!!!! Bless you and this precious little life growing in your womb!! Praying richest blessings for all of you on this incredible journey together!!!!!

  9. Tiffany

    I am so excited for you! I teared up when I saw your Instagram post. I was at a Kari Jobe concert back in April. She briefly shared your story before singing “You are not Alone.” I was 8 or 9 weeks pregnant with our first child and I remember being heartbroken for the lady named Christa who helped write “Forever.” I couldn’t imagine anything more terrible. I honestly didn’t give it any more thought until after October 25th. That day our beautiful daughter, Anne Elise was stillborn. Our hearts were broken. There were days I hardly cared whether I lived or died. I remembered Kari saying your name was Christa and I looked you up. I cannot begin to tell you how much your posts have ministered to me. I am overjoyed for you and pray for a joyful pregnancy, free from anxiety and fear. My husband and I are believing for our “bring home” babies. We serve a faithful God. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  10. Christina

    Congratulations!! I have been following you for a few months now and you are an incredible testimony of healing and grace. I’ve had my fair share of hard days. From being trafficked at 21 to having a beautiful family, incredible husband, and story of redemption that makes me cry tears of joy everytime I think about it. Thank you for you for your courage, tenacity, resilience and love you pour out. I will be praying for you. The story goes on…

  11. Lorraine

    So happy for you. I was at Redeeming Pink in February 2014 and excited for the upcoming birth of your baby girl. When we heard from Pastor Renee that you were faced with heartbreak it felt like a kick in my stomach and all I could do is pray for your strength and understanding. But, look what the Lord has done now!!!!! So thankful God heals the broken heart and gives us the desires of our restored heart!!! Everyone, everywhere is praying for you and your family and the miracle of this child. Can’t wait to see you next month at Redeeming Pink!!!! Lorraine Ghrisby, Vicksburg, MS

  12. Laura Hall

    Oh my, Christa! This is such wonderful, blessed news! How just like Papa God to restore your loss to you in JUST THIS FASHION!!! I can’t even imagine a more perfect gift for your precious family than this. Sooo happy for you, Lucas and Moses and all your extended families. Rejoicing with you all!

  13. Michelle

    Praise God!!!! Christa, you are an encouragement and blessing to many!!! So blessed by your authenticity and faith!!! God, thank you for this double portion and for your daughter, Christa! Thank you Abba for being so faithful and so good! Even when circumstances don’t look good or feel good, You, Abba remain good all the time! Bless Christa and her family as they are on this exciting adventure of seeing you bring redemption into their lives and others lives!!! You are a good Daddy! Thank you Abba!!!

  14. Sandy Wirkler

    Praise God!!! Congratulations Christa to you and your precious family!!! I am so happy for you. God is so amazing!!! Thank you for sharing your story, you truly touched my heart at Frontier Ranch. I love your passionate heart for Jesus. He’s so beautiful and I see His beauty in you!! Thank you Jesus for this miracle in Christa and her families lives!!! You’re a beautiful, brave, precious warrior of God’s!! Never stop shouting from the mountain tops of His great Love!!! Love You!!!!

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“I had planned to end my life, but chose to give it one last shot and signed up for the Master Heart Course. I finally found what I was looking for. My life has changed in ways I could never could put into words, being healed far beyond what I could imagine. I have a long way to go, but this course literally saved my life..”

Mayah