October 24, 2017

The fear of daughters

Daughters. ❤️ For years I was terrified of raising daughters. I was afraid I would pass on all my wounds and teach them to grow up and be all the things I still didn't like about myself. I was terrified I would mess them up, causing them the same deep heart pain that I constantly felt myself as a woman. I was scared they would grow up blaming me for all their dysfunction like I grew up ignorantly blaming my mom for all of mine. ???? But then I realized…(& am still realizing)…most of my fear was grounded in the belief that I was still a broken woman inside. Messed up. Screwed up. Unchangable. Unhealable. Unlovable. ???? So…I decided to change my story. ☺️ I decided that I couldn't teach my daughters to look in the mirror and see deep beauty unless I was looking in the mirror and seeing it in myself. I decided that I couldn't teach them unconditional kindness towards others until I taught them to be unconditionally kind to themselves…which mean I had to start being kind to myself ALL THE TIME—especially when I blew it. ☺️ I decided that the best way to teach my girls how to love being a woman was to actually…FINALLY…love being a woman myself….something I had never done. ???? In my mind, I saw femininity as a weakness in a male dominated society and church system. I saw being female as an obstacle to overcome instead of an identity to cherish. ???? This year, I made peace with my femininity. I am daily exploring the identity I have fought my whole life, & am embracing ALL of it (body, sexuality, essence, nurture, beauty) with wide eyes, an open heart, and full surrender to the outcome I am finally proud to be a woman for the first time in my life….& I can finally raise my daughters to feel the same way. ???????? God made me a woman. He made my girls girls for a reason. And for the first time, I don't see it as a setback, a notch down, or a hindrance. I see it as my glory…& someday, (if I embody this myself)…so will they. ????????❤️ #daughters#BirdieJamesgoestoschool #Loxleyphoenix#instablog

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