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November 23, 2015

I Am Angry. Very Angry.

I am angry.  Very angry.

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For decades, this was an emotion I had taught myself not to have as a good Christian girl.  But when my Goldie died, the most powerful part of my healing process was the permission Jesus gave me to be angry….with Him.  

ANGER IS NOT A SIN.  But what you do with your anger can BECOME a sin.  My heart healed when I learned that I have a righteously angry Savior–the Savior who shamelessly displayed this emotion when He turned over tables in the temple without sinning.

Jesus was, and still is angry that the disease of anencephaly took the life of my daughter—especially a disease that He suffered and died to overcome.   And the anger we both have about the injustices of this world is the anger that fuels me deeper into His heart, learning more about the kingdom, how to pray for healing, and figuring out how to bring heaven to earth so it never happens again.

I like my righteous anger these days.  It's become a healthy friend that fuels my passion towards freedom and relationship, and not a foe I'm trying to deny.

 

I've had to take a few weeks off in the blog zone.  I discovered some inner anger and needed to wade through it with the Holy Spirit.  And the anger that I felt was a good, righteous, shameless anger I had…..

Toward me.

I am angry that I've dumbed myself down for a cruel and judgmental Evangelical world.  I'm angry at myself for writing at an angle that avoids more pain from stone-throwing Christians.  And I'm making a public statement to say…

GO AHEAD AND THROW YOUR ROCKS, FRIENDS.    

It's FAR more painful to be something I'm not and try to make everyone happy than it is to be myself and make someone's religious spirit uncomfortable.   (:

 

THE WOUND THAT CAUSED THE PROBLEM:

When Goldie died in my arms on March 5, 2014, my heart instantly exploded into millions of pieces, gushing blood from the sting of death.  Each moment of existence felt more excruciating then being impaled by an axe, and a large part of my heart wanted to just give up and die with my daughter.  As I watched the funeral home car pull out of my driveway with her little lifeless body, solidifying the reality that she was truly gone, my body began to simultaneously erupt with wails and screams.  The weight of death threatened to crush me forever, spinning my head into a lifeless vortex….

And all I could think to stop the swirl was to do what I do best…..write.  I needed to take the hurricane in my head and pour it out into words to try and make sense of the disaster.

As a proud mother, my heart HAD to write about her beauty.  I wanted to write about the way her skin felt up against mine.  I wanted to scream from the rooftops about my baby girl, the one that no one would ever get the chance to meet.  I had to write about the moments I had with her before the pain tried to erase and numb them, immortalizing each second in time so I could go back and hold onto them forever.

I locked myself in my room and through guttural sobs, my fingers began to type, giving my daughter's forty minutes on earth the memorial she deserved.

As a mother who could only see beauty in her baby girl, I took a picture of her little hand as a birth announcement, proudly posting it on my social media accounts to announce to those anticipating her arrival that she had come.

But she had also gone.  Along with a piece of my heart.

 

For the most part, the prayers and words of encouragement that poured in were a huge anchor that kept me sane, reminding me that I wasn't alone in the hottest fire of my life.  Until one day, a Christian missile hurled from the keyboard of a fellow believer.

In the words of Graham Cooke,Christians are the only group of people on earth that shoot at their own wounded.”  

And unfortunately, I know this to be true firsthand.

I was sitting at the kitchen bar when I got the text from a friend.  She let me know how angry she was at major christian magazine for saying what they did about me, and as I read her words, my body paralyzed in fear.

Oh no, I thought.  What did I do wrong?  Who would criticize me in the worst pain of my life?  And why would they be heartless enough to do that publicly?

 

The lump rose as I read her words–the words of a stranger who had never met me, but apparently was an expert on my heart and my motives.  I read the shaming words of an editor who had peered down on my pain and tragedy with judgement and condemnation, accusing me of writing about my daughter “too soon” after she had passed away, scoffing at my vulnerability as something impure.

 

I put on a good face, doing what I was supposed to do to forgive this lady for being so heartless.  I knew that in order for her to be so judgmental about my pain, she must be pretty judgmental about her own unhealed pain—because you only give away whatever it is you already have on the inside of you. 

My HEAD knew what to do, and went through the motions…..but my heart was completely broken.

And from my broken heart, I made an unconscious vow.  I vowed to play it safer around the Evangelical community to avoid more of their scrutiny….because their scrutiny hurts like hell.

 

The strange thing is, this lady's unfamiliar voice echoed in my ears louder than the familiar voices of family and friends who let me know I had done nothing wrong.  Her voice was stronger than the hundreds of thousands of voices who were encouraging me to keep going online and when I speak, letting me know how Goldie's story had helped them heal, learning to be vulnerable and find freedom.  Her one negative voice rattled around in my heart like a loud gong and a clanging cymbal, louder than all the positive testimonies.

Last week when the Holy Spirit unearthed this truth in my heart on a road trip with my husband, I wasn't angry at this stranger.  I was angry at myself for giving her my power.  I was angry for letting her wounding words wound me enough to stay crippled, trying to soften truth to make it less of a double edged sword–and that was on ME and not on HER.  I was angry at my heart for going through the motions to forgive her with grace…..but forgetting to forgive myself with grace.

Hey Christa, that's just not okay.

 

NO MORE.

 

I am a controversial person if you know me.  I associate with people who the Evangelical community freaks out about….just like my Jesus did.  And I confess….I've cared about what YOU think more than I've cared about loving them.  If Jesus didn't care about His reputation, then I want to be like Him, regardless of what conferences and speaking invites it costs me.  I ask for your forgiveness where I've been more concerned with being politically correct and BEING LOVED than actually BEING LOVE.  I adore pop culture, Hollywood, the Kardashians, Justin Bieber, and the mainstream market…just like my Jesus does.  And I will never have influence in a world that I'm too busy criticizing.  I want to take back the Godly components that the new age movement and that eastern medicine have claimed as their own, and teach people how to get their spirit, soul, body cleansed and living in relationship and intimacy with the Trinity who made their home inside.

I'm a Spirit-filled, tongue talking, Bible believing, prophetic, female preaching, worship leading, essential oil wearing, organic eating, inner healing minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ….Mama lioness.  And I will no longer dumb down my greatness, my genius, and the fullness of who I am to fit into a pill that the ENTIRE Christian community can swallow.  If you can't stomach the overflowing message coming out of my heart, then you can start blogs that call me a heretic and go elsewhere for teaching.  But I happen to finally enjoy the taste of the water of life coming out of my heart. And if you know them by their fruit, there are THOUSANDS who are tasting this water and growing the fruits of freedom and peace and joy–reengaged with the Trinity that made their home inside.

 

Rant is coming to a close.  I'm excited for the months ahead of me….and what I'm going to pour out to an online community who follows my journey, to our guests who join us here at Gold Monarch Healing Center, with conferences that we're going to put on ourselves, and my controversially juicy next book Heart Made Whole that comes out in June (but is available for preorder now!)

If you know me personally, you know I'm a loud person with a lot to say.  And I've stayed quiet publicly about certain things to keep myself safe from more pain.  Well, the pain has been brought to Jesus and is being healed, He's encouraging the greatness of my heart to come back alive, He's taking the muzzle of fear off, and I must confess, the fullness of who I am is about to explode.

So like it or not, just get ready.

Cause things are about to get loud.

xx,

Signature CBG

 

81 Responses to “I Am Angry. Very Angry.”

  1. Way to go Christa!!! Thank you for being you!!! You have taught me much, and inspired me in many ways to speak up and speak out, and live like my Jesus does, even if at times, it makes others question me etc. 🙂 Love your real, raw and Godly living!!!!

  2. Way to go Christa!!! Thank you for being you!!! You have taught me much, and inspired me in many ways to speak up and speak out, and live like my Jesus does, even if at times, it makes others question me etc. 🙂 Love your real, raw and Godly living!!!!

  3. Boom!!! Way to speak the truth. I have learned so much from your blog – never stop sharing your heart. Love your vulnerability and appreciate your ability to be open with all of us. I know that comes at a price for you and your family, but it speaks life into other people and your words do not go to waste. Love this post.

  4. LeslieLinehan

    Oh Christa how you speak of what I feel too!! I just ranted on FB a few days ago about this. …so tired of the stones thrown!! If there is ONE thing Jesus has taught me is to LOVE! THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO ONLY CHRISTIANS! ! Love everyone….and I will do just that….stones or no stones.

  5. LeslieLinehan

    Oh Christa how you speak of what I feel too!! I just ranted on FB a few days ago about this. …so tired of the stones thrown!! If there is ONE thing Jesus has taught me is to LOVE! THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO ONLY CHRISTIANS! ! Love everyone….and I will do just that….stones or no stones.

  6. Becky Selent

    Thank you Christa for being boldly and unashamedly you!! Your courage and vulnerability to go after the hard and messy topics of life have encouraged me so much in my own journey of healing and restoration. I’m excited to read your new book and all the blogs that will follow.
    Blessings to you and your amazing family!

  7. Thank you Christa for putting on paper what so many of us have felt and kept to ourselves, believing it was safer. Both of my daughters lost babies in this last month. The pain has unbearable at times and yet the kindness of My Papa God has come in like a flood, washed over us, healing us moment by moment. Thank you for your courage and vulnerability, it does matter, it does free you and gives the world around you a vision of the Love of Our Father.

  8. Thank you Christa for putting on paper what so many of us have felt and kept to ourselves, believing it was safer. Both of my daughters lost babies in this last month. The pain has unbearable at times and yet the kindness of My Papa God has come in like a flood, washed over us, healing us moment by moment. Thank you for your courage and vulnerability, it does matter, it does free you and gives the world around you a vision of the Love of Our Father.

  9. Scarlett Lillian Knuth

    Every word spoke to past situations and criticisms I too have let ring louder in my head than I should be giving permission too. I just yesterday had a situation that made my blood boil and had to realize their judgment reflected more of what’s lacking in their own heart than it did about me. Thank you for all the ways you share your heart authentically. We need your boldness and your light to shine on the dark spots of everyone’s hearts each one of us struggles with. Your story for His glory!

  10. Kelli garrett

    Welcome back!!! Thank you for being you! Thank you for loving the way you do! Thank you for your vulnerability! Thank you for the role you have played in my own healing based primarily on that exact article as a springboard through the death of my own daughter! I love you and you are amazing!!! ROAR

  11. Kim Murden

    I’m reading this and asking myself all the time, could more of us actually be like his, could we follow this lead, could we throw of the patterns and paradigms the evangelical world forces on us? Could I really follow Jesus and learn his truth about living free in such a dynamic and life affirming way?
    Christa, I’ve been reading you on and off for a few years but when Goldie died I’ve was entranced. It made a real difference to read at the pace you were experiencing your loss rather than to here a well processed story based on several years reflection. I don’t know anyone else writing about stewarding powerful emotions in this way and I’m sure I’m not the only person looking for some wisdom on this. So, thank you Blessings and strength to you and your lovely family xxx

  12. Kim Murden

    I’m reading this and asking myself all the time, could more of us actually be like his, could we follow this lead, could we throw of the patterns and paradigms the evangelical world forces on us? Could I really follow Jesus and learn his truth about living free in such a dynamic and life affirming way?
    Christa, I’ve been reading you on and off for a few years but when Goldie died I’ve was entranced. It made a real difference to read at the pace you were experiencing your loss rather than to here a well processed story based on several years reflection. I don’t know anyone else writing about stewarding powerful emotions in this way and I’m sure I’m not the only person looking for some wisdom on this. So, thank you Blessings and strength to you and your lovely family xxx

  13. Lindsay Otis

    You just rocked me to my core. I have really turned away from God because of christians and how I see them treat others and how they’ve treated me. I need a reminder that God is perfect and He gets angry and He made me to be great! Please keep sharing your heart, I need it!
    Linds @ Not A Mom

  14. Alisha Martin

    This totally spoke to me! I have been struggling with anger for a long time, and to finally have someone who explained it, while not condemning me is SO DIFFERENT! I am so glad that I read this today! It’s exactly what I needed!

  15. Alisha Martin

    This totally spoke to me! I have been struggling with anger for a long time, and to finally have someone who explained it, while not condemning me is SO DIFFERENT! I am so glad that I read this today! It’s exactly what I needed!

  16. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your journey – one of your blog posts rocked me and your prayer ‘increase my capacity for intimacy’ became mine. And I prayed it over and over, for months and months.. And through a tough season He heard, and gave me more than I could imagine. I am so grateful 🙂 Keep being you x

  17. Jana Doucet Pewters

    The blog you posted that was referenced in “the article” is the only thing that got me out of bed the day after we lost our daughter. I had no intention of ever getting out of bed again, until I read your story. So thanks for being so inappropriate! ❤️

  18. Jana Doucet Pewters

    The blog you posted that was referenced in “the article” is the only thing that got me out of bed the day after we lost our daughter. I had no intention of ever getting out of bed again, until I read your story. So thanks for being so inappropriate! ❤️

  19. Christa Black

    Thank you so much for the encouragement as I embark on this new journey! I’m tired of my inner ‘censor’ and am excited to see what comes out of me when I allow myself to be free to be ME! (: x

    • James Mallov

      I don’t blame you at all for being angry. (found this through a friend). However, all groups of people have those who shoot at their wounded. The contempt I’ve heard for poor people, addicts, people who are unhealthy, people who are openly emotional about ANYTHING when it comes to snarky comments online…it’s not most people, but it’s wrong when it happens.

      I’m glad this did not hurt your faith. There are evangelical churches which have embraced former drug dealers, prostitutes, gang members, etc. At most churches – and publications – you would have gotten nothing but sympathy.Indeed, many would see you as heroic for deciding to give her all the life on earth which you could give her.

      An old observation by sociologists and philosophers is that unfortunate circumstances make people uncomfortable, and unfortunately there are people who deal with that by getting mad at the person who helped cause their discomfort or blaming them (the parable of the falling tower is an example. Also, that is not a criticism – most worthwhile commentary can help cause discomfort – I say ‘help’ because that person supplies the rest of it.)

      God bless you and remember there are always people who need you.

  20. Christa Black

    Thank you so much for the encouragement as I embark on this new journey! I’m tired of my inner ‘censor’ and am excited to see what comes out of me when I allow myself to be free to be ME! (: x

    • James Mallov

      I don’t blame you at all for being angry. (found this through a friend). However, all groups of people have those who shoot at their wounded. The contempt I’ve heard for poor people, addicts, people who are unhealthy, people who are openly emotional about ANYTHING when it comes to snarky comments online…it’s not most people, but it’s wrong when it happens.

      I’m glad this did not hurt your faith. There are evangelical churches which have embraced former drug dealers, prostitutes, gang members, etc. At most churches – and publications – you would have gotten nothing but sympathy.Indeed, many would see you as heroic for deciding to give her all the life on earth which you could give her.

      An old observation by sociologists and philosophers is that unfortunate circumstances make people uncomfortable, and unfortunately there are people who deal with that by getting mad at the person who helped cause their discomfort or blaming them (the parable of the falling tower is an example. Also, that is not a criticism – most worthwhile commentary can help cause discomfort – I say ‘help’ because that person supplies the rest of it.)

      God bless you and remember there are always people who need you.

  21. Word sister. Everything you stated, is resonating with me. I’m also tired of the fear muzzle. I’m done. Greater is HE in me, then he who’s in the world. Thank you for this timely word!

  22. Candace Payne

    Another “should” that’s being erased from your vocabulary! Love it! Your vulnerability leads to intimacy. No shallow relationships are forged in the deep waters of vulnerability. You’ve made an ocean of intimacy available for your readers. Hopefully, the tide will lead them to the shores of grace and Jesus. Nothing better. Keep going strong and loud.

  23. Amen! Let your spirit roar its roar – the world will be better ‘cos if you’re not the you created exclusively by the Father then there’s no-one else in the world who will be. And we will be diminished.

  24. Anjelica Farino

    Thank you for saying what so many people won’t…for beginning this new journey! For being bold and unafraid. It’s people like you who will draw the lost with their ministry. I look forward to supporting you every step of the way. You are Mama Lioness to so many 🙂 Much love!

  25. Thank you for your post. I recall reading your article just after I lost my son in Oct 14, 2014. I needed to hear what you were saying. You’re a writer so of course you’re going to write as soon as your beautiful Goldie died. It’s better than staying in bed and crying. I jumped out of bed that first day, cleaned house and haven’t stopped writing since. Ninety percent is a mess I’m sure, but that’s what helps me the most, writing & talking with other grieving mothers. It keeps the mind busy, for me, so I don’t have to dwell on something so horrible I would die in and instant to not make it true. I tried to read books for healing, but the words “self-pity” from Christians got my heart racing until I thought it would explode. I’m angry for different reasons and I pray every single day that God will help me to forgive. Thanks for making me see that it really isn’t that easy. God is the only one that can truly understand our individual pain.

  26. Thank you for your post. I recall reading your article just after I lost my son in Oct 14, 2014. I needed to hear what you were saying. You’re a writer so of course you’re going to write as soon as your beautiful Goldie died. It’s better than staying in bed and crying. I jumped out of bed that first day, cleaned house and haven’t stopped writing since. Ninety percent is a mess I’m sure, but that’s what helps me the most, writing & talking with other grieving mothers. It keeps the mind busy, for me, so I don’t have to dwell on something so horrible I would die in and instant to not make it true. I tried to read books for healing, but the words “self-pity” from Christians got my heart racing until I thought it would explode. I’m angry for different reasons and I pray every single day that God will help me to forgive. Thanks for making me see that it really isn’t that easy. God is the only one that can truly understand our individual pain.

  27. Crisie Hutchings

    Beautiful! Just beautiful. I dont know you but follow you on Instagram, your life as it is there has blessed and touched me in a powerful way. I love your spirit and this rant. You have inspired me more than you know and I say…dont ever hold back. You are brave and beautiful. A heart like yours can change the world even if they don’t like it!!

  28. Amanda Ponessa

    Girl you killin the game! Love seeing a true female revivalist! It’s brave to be a woman in ministry; it’s even more brave to be a charismatic (not to label you charismatic; but I think you know what I mean) woman in ministry! You blaze a trail for women in revival culture! Your willingness to preach the gospel that is less preached creates courage in me (and i’m sure many others) in the face of opposition. Thank you.

  29. Amanda Ponessa

    Girl you killin the game! Love seeing a true female revivalist! It’s brave to be a woman in ministry; it’s even more brave to be a charismatic (not to label you charismatic; but I think you know what I mean) woman in ministry! You blaze a trail for women in revival culture! Your willingness to preach the gospel that is less preached creates courage in me (and i’m sure many others) in the face of opposition. Thank you.

  30. Sara Harms

    Oh Christa. I just sent you a message via fb because it my response to this post was getting a little long. 😉

    Thank you for all your courage and honesty and for being willing to share your pain with us so we could know how to run to the Healer. You and your teaching about shame were the key that unlocked the door of my heart into GRACE. After the devastating loss of our daughter, you mentored me in opening my whole heart, even the angry, disappointed and broken parts, to Jesus. You have been an integral part of my healing. You, Christa, with all your FIRE are precious to me. Don’t ever silence your God-given Roar!

  31. Shannon Barbosa

    Amazing. I, too, started writing just hours or days after my oldest son died in a car accident. He was 18. I felt an urgency to write. I cried through each and every blog, but I believed that healing was happening in the outpouring of my heart. Looking back, I’m so glad I wrote almost daily the first year. My blogs and writings have allowed me to see how far God has brought me. I went from a mother who wanted to join her son in heaven to a daughter of the King who lives to bring him honor. My story; His glory.

    Thank you for sharing everything you have. It has helped me tremendously and reminded me that God is not done with me yet.

  32. Shannon Barbosa

    Amazing. I, too, started writing just hours or days after my oldest son died in a car accident. He was 18. I felt an urgency to write. I cried through each and every blog, but I believed that healing was happening in the outpouring of my heart. Looking back, I’m so glad I wrote almost daily the first year. My blogs and writings have allowed me to see how far God has brought me. I went from a mother who wanted to join her son in heaven to a daughter of the King who lives to bring him honor. My story; His glory.

    Thank you for sharing everything you have. It has helped me tremendously and reminded me that God is not done with me yet.

  33. Tighe Baier

    Preeeeeeeeeeach it!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I was a pastor’s wife I learned early on to “fake it til you make it.” I delivered Lily the day Isaiah was released from the hospital after having meningitis and becoming deaf. I was invited to a pastor’s wives luncheon a few weeks later and I was eager to go… Not one woman asked me about my heart break. Not one. I went home, huddled in a ball and cried all day. I have never felt more alone in my life.

    Now, I make it a point to ask people the hard questions of how they are REALLY doing… Sometimes life sucks and people need to be able to express their grief…People can hurt us in the deepest parts of our soul… I could not make it without the lover of mine.
    Beautifully written. Love~Tighe

  34. Evangeline Johnson

    Oh my.beautiful Christa… Jesus loves the Evangelical church as much as He loves you and I…. Can you believe it ?! Peace to you. Don’t give up on the whole because of the one. Oh my Christa…. There will always be that nasty little poke from someone in the Evangelical church that roars in our ears! You know I get it, someone will always unknowingly try to smear our love for the Evangelical church. From one loud mouth to another… Cheers to you my awesome friend and here’s to us loving the nasty hate pokers back without giving up on them all.

  35. Evangeline Johnson

    Oh my.beautiful Christa… Jesus loves the Evangelical church as much as He loves you and I…. Can you believe it ?! Peace to you. Don’t give up on the whole because of the one. Oh my Christa…. There will always be that nasty little poke from someone in the Evangelical church that roars in our ears! You know I get it, someone will always unknowingly try to smear our love for the Evangelical church. From one loud mouth to another… Cheers to you my awesome friend and here’s to us loving the nasty hate pokers back without giving up on them all.

  36. *Stands up and start the slow clap*
    Yes Christa Preach!!! Man im telling you ever since ive heard your sermon at #JCLA 14 i have been forever changed. You speak with such a boldness that change peoples lives so thankful for you!

  37. susie mehlig

    Yes!!! Be who God created you to be in the fullness of His Glory. You are such a beautiful person!!! Thank you for always sharing your heart. Thank you for helping me to trust God more and more especially in the difficult times because I will never forget your message on the goodness of God 🙂 Thank you Christa!

  38. susie mehlig

    Yes!!! Be who God created you to be in the fullness of His Glory. You are such a beautiful person!!! Thank you for always sharing your heart. Thank you for helping me to trust God more and more especially in the difficult times because I will never forget your message on the goodness of God 🙂 Thank you Christa!

  39. Amy Mullineux

    I think it time we all got real ,cause this world is looking for what a genuine connection and true vunerability looks like. With love we move towards connection. Christa you ability to be so real and raw ,gives others a chance to see how God binds up the broken hearted and sets them free. I met you at hillsong years ago and its so exciting how so much beauty can come from the ashes. Keep being u lovely.and im so sorry for your loss.I pray God continues to heal your heart a little each day. A little less loss each day as he takes you from glory to glory. I luv reading your stuff thank u your such an encouragement to many im sure luv Amyxxx

  40. Thank you for being real. Thank you for being vulnerable. I remember reading your post about Goldie’s life and death. I was waiting to de-board my flight that had just arrived from Turkey. I felt such compassion for you because I knew a tiny piece of what that must have felt like. Though I’ve never lost a child, my mom died when I was 23 and I still miss her, 13 years later. There are people who don’t understand grieving and pain. There are some that don’t understand how it feels, or how it lasts. They judge you for “not being over it” by now. They judge you for how you grieve. The truth is this: Just feel what you’re feeling. I don’t really think there’s a wrong way to grieve. Be real with Jesus about how you’re feeling: He can take it. (and He knows anyway, am I right!) I’m in the middle of writing a book about my experiences with death, cancer and my conversations and revelations of Jesus in the process. Thank you again for sharing. This was refreshing to my soul.

  41. Emily Withers Smith

    Amen and amen! I’m so sorry that a fellow believer caused you additional pain, but so thankful that your voice and the message your life carries is roaring back to life! And for the record, I am one of the MANY who benefited from your beautiful post about Goldie on an eternal level, and I love you for it!

  42. I praise God for you, Christa. Although I have not lost a child, a friendship was destroyed this summer by this friend, who had become our pastor. I have not given myself permission to get angry, so the grieving and his words have filled my soul. The man who has been our covering for years, and has truly been a friend, then pastor, to us just last week ministered to my husband and me to tell us to allow ourselves time to be angry about the situation. Thank you for being so honest about your pain and recovery. My prayers are with you. Hugs!

  43. LauraB1186

    It can be so hard to balance, reaching out to others but also keeping an “inner circle” of believers that are strong believers. Sometimes, to be honest, I find trouble connecting with other people who don’t share my faith, because on the surface we are so different. Different values, interests, things they do on a Friday night. There’s only so much socializing I can do with those who don’t hold my values if they don’t respect mine. Too much bawdy talk, drinking, swearing, negativity, cynicism and I want to run and hide. I have to realize all the time that those are symptoms of the captivity of broken hearts. I choose who are in that “inner circle” and who are people I don’t mind hanging with for a while. We have to let Jesus be Jesus and let him guide us in wisdom, because let’s face it, some folks are toxic (christian or not) and aren’t good to be around. Delicate balance.

  44. This is so beautiful. My heart goes out to you, for losing your precious baby girl. Im thankful to God that you found the strength in him to keep going. You have a lot of value to add to this world that needs it so desperately. Love you sister.

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“I had planned to end my life, but chose to give it one last shot and signed up for the Master Heart Course. I finally found what I was looking for. My life has changed in ways I could never could put into words, being healed far beyond what I could imagine. I have a long way to go, but this course literally saved my life..”

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