I'm so so so sorry I have been cruel to you.
I'm sorry I've neglected your screams, hating parts of you for being wounded and broken. But instead of trying to understand why you were crying after trauma kept crushing you, I shut you down, letting a portion of you grow cold to simply survive and keep functioning. But the weight of unhealed pain is as heavy as bricks, making it hard to ignore you anymore. I don't want to ignore you anymore.
I want to SEE you. To HEAR you. To stop neglecting you, shaming you, or condemning you.
I want to learn to love you, Dear Heart.
I want to learn to love you the same way that Unconditional Love always has.
So Heart, will you please forgive me? I offer you my deepest apology, needing your forgiveness to actually experience the Atonement. I cannot experience the fullness of Jesus's forgiveness as long as I hate parts of myself. I must forgive ALL of you, Heart, as He does….
And I offer that forgiveness to myself right now.
I will tend to you, Heart, because you determine the course of my life. I will be kind to you with patience and grace—learning to care for you like I'm caring for a best friend whose been beaten down and forgotten. I will seek to acknowledge your pain, hear your cries, and choose to listen with understanding.
I realize that I cannot fully connect to the Heart of God until I am present with YOU—my own Heart.
Because you are the meeting place.
You are the intersection where love casts out fear.
You are the landing pad.
You are the sanctuary where the Divine meets with me.
Avoiding you, Heart, has only meant that I've avoided Love. That also means, I have avoided my personal Healer.
No more. No more neglecting you, Heart, for the sake of others. No more forsaking myself in lack to give everyone else what I desperately need.
There is enough love for ME, and there is enough love for the ENTIRE WORLD. That is what it means to live in abundance. That is what it means to overflow—to be filled and then pour out.
Dear Heart, you are overflowing, and I haven't liked what you pour out. You pour out fear, because fear is still in you. You pour out impatience, cruelty, judgment and shame, because shame is still inside of you. As long as I offer these poisons to myself—they will continue to come out of me, spewing out to pollute a world that needs love.
So I will not try to change you. Instead, I will simply learn to accept you, surrender, and let go.
I accept that you truly are judgmental right now—there's no use denying or hating it. In fact, hate is a terrible motivator for change. Whatever I resist will persist. Heart, you learned to judge at a very early age—letting your opinions of yourself and others build a wall of false protection to try and keep you safe. I forgive you for the shame you pour out to others—knowing it's how you treat yourself. I accept that you have been shaming, and I ‘let go' of trying to change myself. I will love you even while you're are a shaming mess—knowing that love is the only solution. I accept that you are exceedingly unkind to yourself—angry at your old wounds for sabotaging your life. I accept that you are furious at yourself for being afraid of so many things, sighing deeply to let love into this fiery inner furnace.
Heart, your anger is simply deep sadness that has never been loved. And when that anger is never released, turning inward, it has poisoned you with depression, addiction, compulsions, and self-harm. Depression, you are simply anger turned inward.
Heart, I am in charge of you. God will never be in charge of you because He gave me free will. So with my will, I CHOOSE to uncover my deepest sadness today—sadness for all that was stolen from my past. Sadness that I never feel good enough. Sadness that I was broken and rejected thousands upon thousands of times. Sadness for all the time I've wasted. Sadness for all the fear I feel.
Feelings are not my enemy. Releasing those feelings into the hands of Love and acceptance is the only thing that can save me.
So Heart, I will begin today with baby steps.
When I have an unkind thought about you, I will stop.
I will offer you forgiveness for your journey of healing.
I will accept that if this is where you are today, then I'm going to be WITH you.
I will not abandon you like I have in the past.
I will not shame you.
I will not ignore you.
I want to learn to love you.
I offer you, Heart, my deepest affection right now. I offer you compassion. I offer you kindness. I offer you understanding.
If you would like to understand your heart, learning to be kind to it while it's transforming into a beautiful masterpiece, it doesn't happen overnight….and if you're anything like me, you need help for the journey.
Pre-order my newest book HEART MADE WHOLE today, and let's walk this road of heart transformation together!
6 Responses to “Every Day You Speak To Your Heart. Are You Aware Of What You’re Saying?”
Pre-ordered! Looking forward to reading this book. I know I won’t be disappointed. Your beautiful and powerful words always point me directly to my Savior. So ready to experience new levels of freedom with Him through this book.
I don’t know how to convey how incredibly prophetic this post is for me. Word for word you’ve described me. Just yesterday this issue was brought up by a dear friend and my heart was too hardened to explain where I was at or hear her words of wisdom. Thank you.
Thank you Christa for always pushing forward and never giving up. You have formed a path so I (we) many people can follow and be healed. You are such a warrior- war on woman of God!
I do not know why your picture is showing up for my name. I promise I didn’t put it there and I don’t know how to remove. Sorry and help
This is so true. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your heart <3 thinking of you and praying for even deeper revelation of Father's grace..it's an endless ocean isn't it? 🙂
You rock, Christa! Thank you for giving words to my emotions. I have tears in my eyes right now.