Archive

February 12, 2015

Curiosity Killed The Grey Cat

If you're living in America, you've probably been sideswiped with the sexy Fifty Shades of Grey trailer.  Maybe it's Screen Shot 2015-02-12 at 2.05.56 PMbeen during the SuperBowl or during your favorite television show, or potentially playing on the big screen while waiting at the movie theater.  Kudos to their marketing crew because, goodness gracious, everything seems to be drab with Grey these days.

And though, for the most part, I stay away from writing about things that I haven't fully researched, you can guarantee I'm not going to start Googling the content of this book and film.

But I must admit…..I have found myself curious.

As the wide-eyed, innocent girl asks the mysteriously handsome billionaire about the secret room in his house, wondering if he leaves his “Xbox and stuff” in there, I had to admit, even I was curious what was behind those vaulted doors—especially when the trailer eluded that true romance could come out of the whole situation.  Before I knew what was happening, my mind began to wonder……

 What kind of things does he keep in there?

In fact, what is bondage sex anyway?

Are there crazy toys, whips and chains involved?

Is it really, really bad?

 

2 Corinthians 10:5:

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;”  (ASV)

 

Before I knew what was happening, my mind was wondering about things it was never meant to wonder.  Questions that I never needed to have were being asked.  Thoughts were leading down dark roads that led to nothing remotely pure.

Yes, curiosity does kill cats—but curiosity can also kill your soul.  I can't tell you one line from the movie Pippy Longstocking that I watched repeatedly as a child, but I can tell you exactly what was happening in the porn flick I stumbled upon late one night at a friends house in elementary school.  And you can probably guess which movie did more damage to my little heart over the years.

When you watch something, you can never, ever, ever, ever ‘unsee' it.   Ever.

To be well informed about this world and how to love the hurting people who live in it, I don't need to know what “BDSM” even stands for.  I don't need to know what goes on during it.  And I definitely don't ever need to know any details about Fifty Shades of Grey.

Because what I do know is far more overpowering than any of that information.  I know that I receive email after email from people enslaved to violent sex who are desperate for a way to get free.  I get inquiry after inquiry at Gold Monarch Healing Center from beautiful hearts who have been abused sexually, trafficked, addicted to porn, and in violent relationships.  I get person after person bleeding from the aftermath of a society that fights for sexual freedom, but does nothing to help heal the scars that come from the darkness.

Friends, I personally know what it's like to be locked in a dirty sexual world—victimized by perverted abuse outside the home as a young child.   I know what it's like to bear that heavy load through life.  I know firsthand how it's destroyed relationships, eaten like termites at my heart, and caused mountains of shame and self-hatred, leading to years of a secret life of addictions and depression.

And I finally know what it feels like to stand in my inheritance of freedom.

Which means, I will fight to protect that freedom in my head and heart, killing any curiosity that tries to come in— before it kills me.  

 

For those of you even remotely curious about this Grey slime that's trying to pose as true romance this Valentine's Day, here's proof without ever having to watch a thing.

Screen Shot 2015-02-12 at 1.37.04 PMSee how the movie is getting HORRIFIC reviews from the experts:  Fifty Shades of Nay.

 

“Domestic violence dressed up as erotica.”

Johnson_Dornan_810_500_55_s_c1Even the stars of the flick think Fifty Shades of Grey is awful, and possibly a bit like Hitler.

 “I wonder what it is about this set of books that has, excuse my pun, penetrated the global market. Mass appreciation doesn't always equate to something good. Think of Hitler!”  -Dornan

Or how about a real-life Fifty Shades story where a man addicted to this kind of sex kills his wife because she wouldn't participate:

Screen Shot 2015-02-12 at 1.44.13 PM“At the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, we continually hear similar accounts of women whose sexual partner’s try to intimidate and coerce them into the violent acts that are now mainstream in pornography.  Society pays a price when we teach men to be turned on by women in pain.”

 

Though most of us think about February 14th being a day marked by the innocence of red roses, chocolates, and romance, something far more sinister is attempting to dig its claws deep into our society.  For the sake of a God who created us for true intimacy and love, fight for your freedom this Valentine's Day.  For the sake of those victimized and abused by violent sex, fight on their silent behalf.  For the sake of your children, your marriages, and those who are already enslaved to this lifestyle, don't you dare let curiosity win.

Christians, the film company is banking on your curiosity.  Christians, the enemy is scheming within your curiosity to steal from you, kill you, and destroy you.

Don't Google.

Don't YouTube.

Don't read.

Don't GO.  There is nothing innocent or fun about this.

But dear friends, you better be prepared to love and pray (without judgment or condemnation) for those who do.  Because though many may boast of their sexual freedom, there is nothing free about bondage and slavery—especially when it's disguised as casual entertainment.  There is nothing sexy about violence towards women.  There is nothing innocent about sadistic pornography peddled as romance.  And as someone who has known what it means to be a slave to a perverted sexual world, and as someone who knows what it feels like to be free—believe me.

There is no comparison.

But freedom costs something.  And as far as Fifty Shades of Grey is concerned, it's costing you your curiosity.

xx,

Signature CBG

 

 

 “89% of scenes in mainstream pornography today depict violence against women and this is spilling over into the mainstream media. As a result, sexual violence is on the rise in our military, in our best universities, and on the street. When we make violence sexy, it is no wonder that these are the consequences we face.”

 

26 Responses to “Curiosity Killed The Grey Cat”

  1. LauraB1186

    Thanks for writing this! I’ve been posting similar things about this horrible phenomenon. I remember seeing the trailer and then a interview with Dorian (who I loved in “once upon a time”- a more family friendly show as the huntsman/sheriff) and Dakota and they seemed to be SO uncomfortable, so tense during the interview that I knew something had to be up. It’s an actor’s job to make their work look good, and these two seemed to be hating that job. So glad you noticed that too, as well as the sources you mentioned. I’m praying for everyone effected, triggered, hurt and tempted by this kind of thing. Yeah, even the cast and crew because it’s got to be effecting them. Actors are often sensitive, creative, and insecure people. May the brokenness lead us to rise up as a church and help be God’s hands and feet to help heal the broken (and deal with our own sin). Enough is enough, you know?

  2. Then don’t watch it. Don’t condemn people for the choices they make while they are still broken. I usually value what you write very much, but on this, I feel like you only help perpetuate the very shame and condemnation women feel in these situations. How about instead of posting a blog, you actually go help a woman in trouble? It’s easy to write a post… Easy for applause to roll in for you… But are you sincerely reflecting the heart of Christ? Judging those who have this kind of lifestyle, or who watch this movie? What if a woman in bondage reads this and feels the weight of judgment instead of the love of Jesus? What if that prevents her from knowing she has nothing to be ashamed of?

    • Audrielle W.

      Jesus flat out told the adulteress “go and sin no more.” Telling someone to leave son behind or to not sin is not a bad thing. You can tell she is doing this out of a Holy fear and love

    • Christa Black Gifford

      Hey Janet. First off, if you felt like I was judging, shaming or condemning you for your choice to read the book or watch the movie or be involved in this lifestyle, then can you please let me know where those judgmental sentences were? I never want to be shaming towards those who believe differently than I do, and if you feel that I shamed you, will you forgive me? That is never my heart.

      There’s a moment here where silence about something terribly wrong is agreement, and I will not stand in agreement with sexual violence towards women, especially when I have been the victim of sexual abuse and rape. If this makes you uncomfortable, then I’m very sorry, but I will not stop fighting this fight.

      “Statistics have shown heavy pornography consumption by a male doubles the likelihood that he will sexually assault his partner. 86% of convicted rapists said they were regular users of pornography, and 57% admitted to directly imitating scenes while committing their rape. Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on sexual addictions studied 932 sex addicts and found that 90% of the men and 77% of the women report that pornography is a significant element in their sexual addiction. He found two common elements in sex addiction: Child-
      hood sexual abuse and frequent pornography use accompanied by masturbation.”

      This blog wasn’t to shame anyone. This blog is to move the conversation from this being a fun book and movie to calling a spade a spade…..that it’s violent pornography in the mainstream. And as someone who has been both a victim and dealt with addiction in the sexual realm—someone who has fought for YEARS to find freedom from this area….who carried the scars into her marriage and watched it affect the purity of true intimacy….you better believe, if I can prevent ONE person from walking down the hell of a road I know all to well….

      I will never stay silent.

      As as far as your comment “instead of posting a blog, you actually go help a woman in trouble…” who is casting judgement now, especially on someone they know very little about? The entire reason for opening Gold Monarch Healing Center was to liberate captives of all kinds by the power of Jesus—those in bondage to addiction, depression, and of course, victims of sex—both enslaved to it by their own decisions, and those victimized by it. And not that I need to justify myself, but I am helping.

      Are you?

      It’s very funny to me when people think that Jesus loving people means He never told them the truth. Girl, truth is highly confrontational. Truth loves someone so much, they say what’s hard, even the other person rejects that truth. And loving Jesus right now doesn’t just mean I look the other way as the world glamorizes violent sexual abuse against women. It means I stand up and say it’s WRONG.

      I’m sorry if that truth feels convicting, but I must say as a Christian……shouldn’t it?

      • Thank you for your gracious response. It’s not that I disagree with shedding light on this topic, or that I wish to have strife with you. I apologize for my off putting demeanor. Please also forgive me for presenting my thoughts that way. I myself have also been a victim of sexual abuse and I agree that we should help protect and lead other women (and men) to restoration in the One who heals and redeems. There’s been so many Christians writing blogs and hating on this movie, and I just don’t see that attacking it does any good. Is it possible you could have written an article about helping those victimized without pointing fingers at the movie itself, or for those who have invited it into their lives? There is enough shame to go around, and I don’t feel that we help matters when we post things like this. Again, not the intent. I see your heart behind it, however, all of this finger pointing is not necessary. It would be more welcoming to write a post without picking apart something that many, many people are exposing themselves to. These same people will read our Christian words and only are judgment, not love. I don’t know you personally, but I have a deep respect for your writing and for your heart story, particularly about Goldie, as I have lost a child. God Loves Ugly ministered to my heart during a very broken season. I thank you for being vulnerable and Inviting readers into your love walk with Jesus. I can’t say I agree with condemning this movie in particular, especially because you have not read it. I’m on board with guarding our hearts, and inviting others to do the same. I just happen to think we can do that without pointing fingers. The actors in this movie, who are uncomfortable during interviews, and the people who made the movie… They don’t need to read things by us that make them feel worse than they do already. They need to be told of mercy and grace and we can do that without the hordes of people shaming. Maybe your heart is not for that. I believe is not. But people who do read this, and articles like this, sont all have open hearts. Some are incredibly legalistic and that is what the hurting, victimized women will feel when they read these words. Perhaps even Dakota Johnson.
        I wish your well. Truly.

  3. Jose Callaghan-Lake

    Righteous judgement absolutely has a place (to the critical comment below). I so appreciate your article Christa. Particularly explaining how it’s so wrong to glorify something that has caused such horrific pain in others, consensual or not. Keep up yourrefreshingly honest reflections for the sake of those who are too wounded to speak for themselves – THAT is Biblical. Lots of love ♥

  4. Allison Bown

    Christa, I adore many things about you, but the courage you partner with in Jesus is one of the best. Courage to share. Courage to take ownership of your thoughts. Courage to say “forgive me” if needed. Courage to have a voice. Courage to let others agree… or not. You are an en-COURAGE-er, not a dis-courage-er. You’ve chosen the state of courage that you will live in. Yeah for you and yeah for Jesus.

  5. Thank you so much for reminding us about the far-reaching consequences of abusive, perverted sexual behavior, whether it’s perpetuated against a defenseless child, or portrayed as exciting, sensual exploration between consenting adults. Thank you for telling the truth.

    “Not to speak is to speak.” ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

  6. Good post. It just isn’t a place we need to go, not even in wondering. Statistics say that 100 percent of child molesters will have porn. Porn did harm to the family of a dear friend Porn is evil, insidious, and the talk, along with the commercials are enough to tell me that book and movie are really porn. Don’t fall into its trap.

  7. Good post. It just isn’t a place we need to go, not even in wondering. Statistics say that 100 percent of child molesters will have porn. Porn did harm to the family of a dear friend Porn is evil, insidious, and the talk, along with the commercials are enough to tell me that book and movie are really porn. Don’t fall into its trap.

  8. I love this! I believe you hit the nail on the head with this! Specially this line “freedom costs something.  And as far as Fifty Shades of Grey is concerned, it’s costing you your curiosity.”.. so true!..

  9. Robin Williams

    I minister to women affected by their spouses addiction to pornography. I appreciate this post as I get ready this morning for our prayer call. You have written about this in exactly the way it needed to be presented. No titillation or invitation to look further but to know that if we have obtained freedom in Christ through salvation, we must guard our hearts and minds. The evil one is bent on our destruction and it is our choice a that matter most in maintaining that freedom.

  10. Casee Sumter-Sanders

    Hi Christa,
    Jesus saved me from the spirit of sexual immorality and pornography but I have to remain continually vigilant to the pervasiveness of this demon. I declined to read the book (although there was that curiosity) and will also decline to see the movie. Your article is a good reminder to us all. Thank you!

  11. As someone who’s read the book, I wholeheartedly agree with you, Christa. I gave it a chance because several of my friends were reading it, and it made me SO uncomfortable. God only knows why I read through to the end of the series. That said, I will not be seeing the movie. There is just something so evil about it.

  12. Kary Rader

    Thank you, Christa, for your post. I love your voice (writing and singing) and your message.

    As a Christian, a writer and reader of romance, and as someone who read Fifty Shades of Grey long before it was the crazy phenomenon it is today, I think I have something to add to this conversation.

    First, there really is very little actual BDSM(which stands for
    Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism) in this story. If it is the BDSM lifestyle you’re condemning, then there are other more relevant books to address, and I can provide you with names. But it’s not this book. In fact, real people in the BDSM community condemn the book for the simple fact that it breaks their rules while calling itself one of them.

    BDSM and sexual deviance is not what is primarily sinister and insidious about this story. It is also not what makes the book a jaw-dropping mainstream success. To find that hideous agenda, you have to look into the story’s origins and another blockbuster romance just as sinister but far more subtle.

    You may or may not know that FSoG began as Twilight Fanfiction. Fanfiction is largely young women and some men who are merely expressing themselves about something that’s touched them. In
    and of itself it’s harmless. There are websites all over the Internet that
    promote fans writing their own versions of popular stories, songs, TV, and
    movies.

    What is not harmless is some of the stories they’re using as inspiration. Take for example FSoG, originally titled Master of the Universe, which was
    written with Edward Cullen and Bella Swan as the hero and heroine. When E.L. James decided to publish because of the popularity of the story on the
    fanfiction site, she changed the names and minor physical characteristics and it became new. But it isn’t new. Not really.

    She was able to capture and enhance the qualities and characteristics of Bella and Edward so that her primary audience—young women—were captivated. But the problem lies in the unhealthy attachment between the two. It’s the tension, angst, and what I would call “black romance’ that draws women in. Just like Edward Cullen, Christian Grey is manipulative, controlling, and seemingly invincible. He uses all those character
    traits to bamboozle the woman he supposedly loves. In the alternate, Bella/Anna is a young impressionable virgin with little world experience, and she becomes COMPLETELY DEPENDENT upon the hero. She is easily deceived and pressured into doing things with which she’s initially uncomfortable. Herein lies the core of the issue—the hidden agenda of the enemy.

    I love an angsty badboy-with-a-heart-of-gold story as much as the next gal, but these two stories aren’t that. In a good Anti-hero romance, it’s the man who changes, gives up his ways and becomes what he was always meant to be—the good guy. But that’s not the case in Twilight or in FSoG. In these stories, the hero doesn’t change—the heroine does. She becomes what is bad, wrong, and is praised and glorified for it. Bella becomes a vampire, a soulless bloodsucker who learns to kill. Sweet virginal Anna becomes someone who’s into deviant sex, and, as I understand it, (because I never read past the first book) is more into kink than Christian by the end of the series.

    In Twilight, the agenda to corrupt the heroine is more subtle, the motives of Edward are well hidden. Most women who’ve read the Twilight Series do not believe Edward Cullen is controlling and manipulative, but in FSoG those qualities are more pronounced and still accepted. The two stories are a sad but interesting example of the addiction escalation process, which if you’ve ever been addicted to something, you understand. The longer and more addicted you become to something, the more of it you have to
    have to get your high. This is what Doran, the actor who plays Grey in the
    movie, meant when he said it’s like Hitler. It is like Hitler. How do you take a generally kind and peace-loving country of people and convince them to torture and murder an entire race? You take them down the road slowly, one step at a time.

    This book, Fifty Shades of Grey, and this movie isn’t the first step that our country, our women, our society have accepted and taken, and if we don’t stand up and call it for what it is–an attack of the enemy on the hearts and minds of men and women that threatens the very fabric of our relationships to one another–it won’t be the last either.

    I have more to say but I’ll stop there. Thank you for letting me speak my piece. And I’m so glad you stood up to speak yours.

    • JoanneFuraha

      This is really eye-opening, I never thought about it like that, “The two stories are a sad but interesting example of the addiction
      escalation process, which if you’ve ever been addicted to something, you
      understand. The longer and more addicted you become to something, the
      more of it you have to have to get your high.” So true! Wow, thank you!

  13. Kary Rader

    Thank you, Christa, for your post. I love your voice (writing and singing) and your message.

    As a Christian, a writer and reader of romance, and as someone who read Fifty Shades of Grey long before it was the crazy phenomenon it is today, I think I have something to add to this conversation.

    First, there really is very little actual BDSM(which stands for
    Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism) in this story. If it is the BDSM lifestyle you’re condemning, then there are other more relevant books to address, and I can provide you with names. But it’s not this book. In fact, real people in the BDSM community condemn the book for the simple fact that it breaks their rules while calling itself one of them.

    BDSM and sexual deviance is not what is primarily sinister and insidious about this story. It is also not what makes the book a jaw-dropping mainstream success. To find that hideous agenda, you have to look into the story’s origins and another blockbuster romance just as sinister but far more subtle.

    You may or may not know that FSoG began as Twilight Fanfiction. Fanfiction is largely young women and some men who are merely expressing themselves about something that’s touched them. In
    and of itself it’s harmless. There are websites all over the Internet that
    promote fans writing their own versions of popular stories, songs, TV, and
    movies.

    What is not harmless is some of the stories they’re using as inspiration. Take for example FSoG, originally titled Master of the Universe, which was
    written with Edward Cullen and Bella Swan as the hero and heroine. When E.L. James decided to publish because of the popularity of the story on the
    fanfiction site, she changed the names and minor physical characteristics and it became new. But it isn’t new. Not really.

    She was able to capture and enhance the qualities and characteristics of Bella and Edward so that her primary audience—young women—were captivated. But the problem lies in the unhealthy attachment between the two. It’s the tension, angst, and what I would call “black romance’ that draws women in. Just like Edward Cullen, Christian Grey is manipulative, controlling, and seemingly invincible. He uses all those character
    traits to bamboozle the woman he supposedly loves. In the alternate, Bella/Anna is a young impressionable virgin with little world experience, and she becomes COMPLETELY DEPENDENT upon the hero. She is easily deceived and pressured into doing things with which she’s initially uncomfortable. Herein lies the core of the issue—the hidden agenda of the enemy.

    I love an angsty badboy-with-a-heart-of-gold story as much as the next gal, but these two stories aren’t that. In a good Anti-hero romance, it’s the man who changes, gives up his ways and becomes what he was always meant to be—the good guy. But that’s not the case in Twilight or in FSoG. In these stories, the hero doesn’t change—the heroine does. She becomes what is bad, wrong, and is praised and glorified for it. Bella becomes a vampire, a soulless bloodsucker who learns to kill. Sweet virginal Anna becomes someone who’s into deviant sex, and, as I understand it, (because I never read past the first book) is more into kink than Christian by the end of the series.

    In Twilight, the agenda to corrupt the heroine is more subtle, the motives of Edward are well hidden. Most women who’ve read the Twilight Series do not believe Edward Cullen is controlling and manipulative, but in FSoG those qualities are more pronounced and still accepted. The two stories are a sad but interesting example of the addiction escalation process, which if you’ve ever been addicted to something, you understand. The longer and more addicted you become to something, the more of it you have to
    have to get your high. This is what Doran, the actor who plays Grey in the
    movie, meant when he said it’s like Hitler. It is like Hitler. How do you take a generally kind and peace-loving country of people and convince them to torture and murder an entire race? You take them down the road slowly, one step at a time.

    This book, Fifty Shades of Grey, and this movie isn’t the first step that our country, our women, our society have accepted and taken, and if we don’t stand up and call it for what it is–an attack of the enemy on the hearts and minds of men and women that threatens the very fabric of our relationships to one another–it won’t be the last either.

    I have more to say but I’ll stop there. Thank you for letting me speak my piece. And I’m so glad you stood up to speak yours.

    • JoanneFuraha

      This is really eye-opening, I never thought about it like that, “The two stories are a sad but interesting example of the addiction
      escalation process, which if you’ve ever been addicted to something, you
      understand. The longer and more addicted you become to something, the
      more of it you have to have to get your high.” So true! Wow, thank you!

  14. Great post! Honest, real and to the point. You have a great way of dealing with this tough subject with truth, yet with a passionate love. Thanks so much. Don’t agree with the critics in this list, but again, its a great example you leave of even dealing with them well. Keep it up!

  15. Thank you so much for this. All my non Christian girlfriends look at me crazy every time I say I’m not in the least interested in anything that has to do with this book/movie. The world is getting more and more blind and desensitized… definitely need to pray for the women watching this movie who will leave thinking that’s what love is and the marriages that will be damaged because of this skewed view of what romance should be.

    Sharing this post!!! 🙂

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