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March 25, 2015

Am I Having A Boy? Or A Girl? Gender Reveal!

As I opened my eyes Saturday morning in a hotel room in Houston, Texas, I heard Father begin whispering to my heart, “Hey girl, instead of turning on the finale of Top Chef that you'd planned on finishing, let's chat a bit.”

il_340x270.597821508_bzvpKnowing I had been entrusted with the hearts of a room full of women later that morning at the church that brought me in, I quickly shut my computer, pulled my covers up close around my chin, and cuddled in close to the chest of my Father.

He started by telling me how much He loved me, as always.  He began by igniting my heart with the tangible reality of His presence and touch—so strong and so pure, that I thought I might burst inside.   And from this place of His presence, my mind began to go on the usual journeys we go on together—handing over the reigns of my heart and mind to steer me wherever He wanted to lead me.

After a few minutes, out of left field, I was hit with the overwhelmingly strong thought…….

I am having a baby boy.

I sat up in bed.  Surely not.  I mean, I was so confident I was going to have a little girl.  My son Moses kept calling the baby growing in my belling his ‘baby sissy,' I had grown accustomed to the usual feelings I had encountered while growing my little girl Luca Gold for 9 months before she had gone to be with Jesus.  And though I had been wrong about both children's gender, this time, I had been so sure.

Where was this thought coming from?  Is this you, Lord?

My mind began to wander, ponder, and roll with the emotional tide.

But what if I am having boy?  I haven't even entertained that thought, and I wouldn't want to be blindsided at the ultrasound fast approaching, just three days away.  If I am having a boy, of course I wouldn't be disappointed—my son Moses is my greatest joy in life, and boys always really love their mama.  

But what IF??  Is my heart ready for that?

For a good twenty minutes, my heart and mind stirred with this new reality of having a little boy.  It wasn't that I didn't want a boy or wouldn't be over the moon that Moses would have a brother to play with—it was just that for over two years, my arms had been ready and aching to hold the little girl whose body went lifeless and cold far too soon.  I had boxes of delicate, dainty pink clothes ready to be filled with life, empty daydreams of a little delicate face that I longed to make memories with.

I called my husband, Babe, I think I was wrong.  I think God told me we're having a boy.

I texted closest friends, I think I was wrong—I'm pretty sure it's a boy.

As we walked into the women's imaging center this past Tuesday morning, my heart was ready.  I had sat with this information soaking in deep for four days, getting excited about this new reality—completely over the moon about giving Moses a brother, filling my world with more trucks and trains, and having another little boy.

Let's do this, Babe.  I sat down on the table with a heart that would not be disappointed, no matter the outcome.  I was carrying life….and there was no greater gift of redemption that a family could receive after premature death.

As you can see…..I definitely hadn't ‘heard from God.'  And I've never been happier to have missed something in my entire life.

(The silence you hear when she announces “It's a girl,” is the moment Luke and I looked at each other….bursting into silent tears.  BEST MOMENT EVER.)

 

Old Christa would have flogged herself repeatedly for the blunder.  Old Christa would have started doubting her ability to hear God's voice clearly—retreating back in fear next time I thought I tried to hear His voice.  Old Christa would have felt like a failure, moving into striving for spiritual maturity.

But man, I love this Christa who is so in tune with her heart these days.

Thank you, heart, for loving me so much that you worked so hard to keep me safe.  Thank you, beautiful heart, for doing such a good job of taking care of me that you didn't want me to be disappointed—wanting me to get ready for any news.  Heart, you've been so disappointed this year with so much loss, and I want to be so patient and delicate with you as you heal.  Heart, I know you're still patching up from the stings of death, and I'm so proud of you for fighting for healing and intimacy with Jesus at all cost.

“Courage, dear heart.”  -C.S. Lewis

 

Instead of feeling betrayed by my heart, I felt so loved by it.  Instead of feeling like a failure, I felt like a total success.  Because I'm learning to finally listen to the language of my heart—-the emotions, cries, struggles, words, and decisions—I'm seeing that everything that pours out of me simply points to what's already inside.

And this situation simply pointed to the fact that my heart was still trying to protect me and might need a bit more time with the Healer.

(Sidebar….do you need to stop condemning your heart today for being wounded, and instead, thank your heart for working so had to keep you safe?  Of course, the goal isn't to remain wounded, but the ownership of the wound is the starting point of your healing!  Be kind to yourself today, dear one.  Pregnant or not, there is always new life growing within you.)

 

Luke, Moses, and I are still pinching ourselves after receiving the news of our little pink package yesterday.  I love putting my hand on my belly, tears running down my face, and talking to my little girl—the one who knows her sister Goldie since they were in heaven together at the same time.  In fact, because everything my Father does in His kingdom is relational, I'm wondering if Goldie had a hand in picking her out for us.  I wonder if she'll look like her sister, with dark black curly hair, or maybe golden hair like her big brother Moses…..

I could burst just thinking about it.

 

As Father continues to weave our redemption story, I can't help but live completely astounded.  He's a master of details, a writer of poetry, the author of adventure.  And as our hearts continue to heal, and as our lives are locked into His safety, we sure are excited about the gift He gave us within my womb.

Our newest addition……our secondIMG_2890 little girl.

 

xx,

Signature CBG

 

55 Responses to “Am I Having A Boy? Or A Girl? Gender Reveal!”

  1. Lauricia

    I am so over the moon for you guys!!! A little baby girl. What a precious gift.
    This post felt healing to my heart. Your gentleness, and graciousness, Christa, is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing your story with us today.

  2. Lauricia

    I am so over the moon for you guys!!! A little baby girl. What a precious gift.
    This post felt healing to my heart. Your gentleness, and graciousness, Christa, is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing your story with us today.

  3. I’ve been following your story for quite awhile! I’ve cried with you guys, celebrated with you guys, and right now my heart is so incredibly happy for you guys! I actually had a dream about a week ago that played out a lot like the video above…. Haha But yeah, congratulations and I will continue praying for you guys!

  4. Rashonda Davis

    Oh, Christa! I’m doing the Happy Dance!!!!!!! So excited for you! You should totally give us an address to mail girly goodies! You are such a jewel!!! Love, Love, Love YOU!!!! xoxoxoxo

  5. Rashonda Davis

    Oh, Christa! I’m doing the Happy Dance!!!!!!! So excited for you! You should totally give us an address to mail girly goodies! You are such a jewel!!! Love, Love, Love YOU!!!! xoxoxoxo

  6. GrassFedEditor

    So wonderful! I went to hear you at The Crossing church on Sunday–that’s not our usual church, but I saw on Instagram that you were in the Woodlands, so I knew my husband and I had to come hear you preach. It was wonderful and uplifting. Thank you for sharing God’s message of abundant life! So happy for you.

  7. So, so, happy for you Christa!!! Thankful that your faith continues to be strong. This is exactly what God wants us to do. You deserve the best, and I can’ t wait for you to meet her. Praying for continued blessings for you and your beautiful family.

  8. So, so, happy for you Christa!!! Thankful that your faith continues to be strong. This is exactly what God wants us to do. You deserve the best, and I can’ t wait for you to meet her. Praying for continued blessings for you and your beautiful family.

  9. Shedding tears of joy for how God is lavishing His love on you. You are an inspiration and I’m so thankful for you sharing your life with all of us. Praise be to God for this new little light in your life!

  10. Shedding tears of joy for how God is lavishing His love on you. You are an inspiration and I’m so thankful for you sharing your life with all of us. Praise be to God for this new little light in your life!

  11. Eniola Abioye

    Christa, thank you for inviting us on this journey. I’m going to commit to praying for your family. I pray for creativity to burst at the seams as you prepare for your girl. I pray for Rest as you pray and believe for beautiful things. I pray for an igniting of strength and fortitude in your family. I pray for the Rock of Ages to explode your mind with His faithfulness. I pray for Heaven to rain Gold on you. (Don’t know what that means but I pray it). I pray you get a glimpse of your daughter’s future. I love you. I don’t know you super well, but your a big sister in the Faith and I’m praying for your Diamond.

  12. Dianne Bennett

    Oh Christa I just knew she was a girl. You can trust your heart. You can trust that your heart heard God the first time. So thrilled to know that no matter the gender you’re a great mom and there will be celebrating in your house for the rest of your lives because you are full of Gods capacity and hope and joy. He’s in everyday bless you dear friend Need me some strawberry ice cream now!!

  13. Dianne Bennett

    Oh Christa I just knew she was a girl. You can trust your heart. You can trust that your heart heard God the first time. So thrilled to know that no matter the gender you’re a great mom and there will be celebrating in your house for the rest of your lives because you are full of Gods capacity and hope and joy. He’s in everyday bless you dear friend Need me some strawberry ice cream now!!

  14. I completely cried! I feel like Luca Goldie was there to pick your second daughter out. I hope you always tell girl #2 how much of a blessing Luca was and how she is too. Plus, I’m so excited for Moses. I completely love your family!

  15. I completely cried! I feel like Luca Goldie was there to pick your second daughter out. I hope you always tell girl #2 how much of a blessing Luca was and how she is too. Plus, I’m so excited for Moses. I completely love your family!

  16. This made me tear up. God is so good. And thank you for your words about not condemning yourself for being wounded. I don’t know how many times I do that to myself. It’s gotten better, but it’s still a process I’m working through with Jesus. Thank you, Christa… And congrats!!!!!!!!

  17. This made me tear up. God is so good. And thank you for your words about not condemning yourself for being wounded. I don’t know how many times I do that to myself. It’s gotten better, but it’s still a process I’m working through with Jesus. Thank you, Christa… And congrats!!!!!!!!

  18. I saw you in Long Beach 2014 and as you spoke I believe God put it in my heart to tell you that your arms would not be empty much longer. I wanted to tell you but I am a bit reserved so I prayed instead and have not forgotten about your moving testimony. I now know the voice of God when he gently speaks in our hearts. CONGRATULATIONS and God bless you.

  19. So beautiful!!!! I love how you thank your heart. That part brought tears to my eyes, because we need to do that more often instead of beating ourselves up for being wrong, hearing wrong etc. Thanks for sharing this!! You are such an inspiration to so many!!!! Bless you and the whole family, and your precious new baby girl, growing strong and healthy inside you!!!

  20. So beautiful!!!! I love how you thank your heart. That part brought tears to my eyes, because we need to do that more often instead of beating ourselves up for being wrong, hearing wrong etc. Thanks for sharing this!! You are such an inspiration to so many!!!! Bless you and the whole family, and your precious new baby girl, growing strong and healthy inside you!!!

  21. Rejoicing with you Christa! God is so good! “Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 The Holy Spirit is doing a wonderful work and thank you for giving that gift to me through your story. God bless you all as you welcome this perfectly healthy, happy little girl into your family!

  22. Anabel Lucio Morales

    Thank you for sharing your heart and experience. Your humanness touches me so deeply. God is so faithful and he is the restorer of our hearts and lives!

  23. Thanks so much for sharing. definitely made me tear up, holding it in, but so thankful for the loving way you show to talk to your heart. Blessings on you and your precious growing family!

  24. Thanks so much for sharing. definitely made me tear up, holding it in, but so thankful for the loving way you show to talk to your heart. Blessings on you and your precious growing family!

  25. Carolyn

    So exciting! And with a daughter, you kind of have a built-in BFF!
    Christa, are you still planning on attending Jesus Culture conference LA, even though you’ll be enormously pregnant?

  26. Bethany Kuenzli

    Omgoodness I am borderline tears sitting in the airport reading your beautiful heart! I am so thankful for your voice to a generation that has experienced pain and suffering while showing the grace & mercy of a good Father without sacrificing the raw emotions that come with it. You teach how to fight the supernatural in the most eloquent way. Thank you Christa!!!

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“I had planned to end my life, but chose to give it one last shot and signed up for the Master Heart Course. I finally found what I was looking for. My life has changed in ways I could never could put into words, being healed far beyond what I could imagine. I have a long way to go, but this course literally saved my life..”

Mayah
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