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May 17, 2011

Blog 2: The Perils of Swimsuit Season

Swimsuit season.  

The bane of my existence for the past 14 years of my life.  I can't remember the last time I felt carefree in a swimming suit, unaware of my body and wobbly bits as I sheepishly and carefully reveal practically everything.  My head is usually plagued with an automatic recording of, ‘Suck in, clinch buttocks, remove wedgie, stand up straight, angle yourself appropriately as to avoid friends/family from seeing patches of cellulite, make sure top woman parts are covered and boosted,' and so on, and so on, etc.  Can you imagine being one of those girls that plays volleyball in a bikini….on television…in front of millions of people!?  As a college volleyball player who no longer works out like a college volleyball player, I'm just going to go ahead and add that to the list of ‘worst nightmares.'  

I'm a married woman.  I'm not looking to walk pass a man and get a glance or an endearing wink.  I'm not fighting to impress strangers.  I don't need the approval of others on the beach and I definitely don't need to win a bikini contest at Spring Break. So what part of me still wants to look great in a swimsuit—even in front of friends who are like family who really could care less?

We're at the beach for the week.  Smitty (aka, Michael W. Smith), invited Studhubs and I to join his ridiculously amazing family at a beach house in Florida.  Naturally, beach houses involve beach activities, and beach activities include one of my least favorite things in the world:  swimsuits.  Or more specifically, having to walk around in a swimsuit letting things jiggle.  (Keeping it real, ladies, Keeping it real).

On TOP of the “Smitty asked us 3 days ago to join the fam, so I'm not at all work-out prepared for swimsuit season” factor, I just happened to get my ‘punctuation week' (as Studhubs likes to call that one week a month where you have to be a real woman), and ONLY packed a WHITE swimsuit.  

Yep, this could be a total disaster.

So Tuesday blogs are dedicated to the ‘soul' realm.  Remember, the Soul is your mind, will, emotions, personality, and character.  

My little soul was FREAKING OUT yesterday when Smitty and I flew in from the road to meet everyone—especially seeing them all appropriately dressed to head out to the beach.  I stood in front of the mirror after putting on my WHITE swimming suit, and every disaster possible played out in the movie theater of my mind.  I'd try on new coverups to see if they would reveal less of my booty, and turn at different angles to see how the light could potentially be more favorable.  I'd suck in and clinch again. No, that didn't work because it caused more cellulite dimples on the booty.  Shoot!

Because of these lovely, irrational thoughts coursing through the corridors of my mind, the emotions inside of me intensified like a house falling on my chest, and I couldn't begin tell you which way was up.  And standing in front of the mirror crucifying myself wasn't going to change anything from the time I walked from my room out to the beach—it was just ruining everything.

So I stopped.  I stilled myself.  I regrouped my thoughts and the feelings that had been produced.

I took control of my own little world.

Was I really going to miss out on a day with people who love me, who adore me, who think I hung the moon, all because my butt is a little saggier than I'd like it to be with cellulite on it (thank you, way too much Chipoltle), and I'm puffed up and bloated from punctuation week—something that EVERY woman has to endure??  And am I really going to allow the insecurity of a few imperfect parts (by the world's standard, and do I know any of them anyway??) override the WEALTH of good that I'm actually blessed with??  Could I really consider allowing a few pounds and some wobbly bits RULING and RUNNING and DRIVING and TAKING OVER and DICTATING THE TONE AND MOOD AND MEMORIES OF A BEAUTIFUL DAY AT THE BEACH????

How ridiculous are we sometimes.  How ludicrous.  How irrational are our thoughts.

But I wouldn't have discovered how silly those thoughts were if I hadn't allowed my WILL to stop and challenge them.  (:

Your will is a beautiful thing.  It's a powerful thing, and you probably don't even understand how powerful it is.  Your will is a guard at the door of your heart, allowing the bad to stop and check ID, and the good to come in and set up shop.

YOUR TURN:

Think about one situation in your life where your thoughts have produced emotions that are overwhelming.  What are you thinking?  How are you feeling?  Are these thoughts and emotions keeping you from relationships, from people, from doing what you love to do?  Are you crippled by fear, worry, anxiety, self-hatred, or insecurity because of these thoughts?

Stop.  Still yourself.  And ask the guard of your will to step up to the plate.

You have a CHOICE.  You ALWAYS have a choice.  You always can choose what thoughts you allow yourself to have, and what emotions are produced.  If you don't like your thoughts, then have another one.  (:  

Say these words to pump-up and invoke your will:  ”I CHOOSE to stop thinking _______________ and feeling ________________ about __________________.  Because the TRUTH is:  _______________________.”

Here's mine:

“I choose to stop thinking that I need to be perfect in a bikini or I'm less lovable and not good enough, and for feeling inadequate and insecure and fearful because of those beliefs.  The TRUTH is that I'm loved, and cherished, and accepted, and my worth has NOTHING to do with my BUTT and BLOATING and SILLY OUTWARD THINGS THAT AREN'T THE REASONS WHY PEOPLE LOVE ME!!!” 

See how silly it all looks when it's out and on paper?  And see how your emotions are already changing?

It works.  Try it.  (:

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“I had planned to end my life, but chose to give it one last shot and signed up for the Master Heart Course. I finally found what I was looking for. My life has changed in ways I could never could put into words, being healed far beyond what I could imagine. I have a long way to go, but this course literally saved my life..”

Mayah
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